Don’t know why I am really trying this forum, friends are tired of hearing about why and how I feel. So maybe if I bore y’all I will come to terms with who I am, easier. Maybe it is to help myself while inflicting damage or help to others. I first thought of suicide a few years back, so I tried overdosing, but I still woke up the next morning with a headache from hell. It was about three months later that I tried again, I <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>without thought to others and awoke in the hospital, but again I survived, there is another time I tried but my sister accidentally stopped me, unbeknownst to her. Recently in the last three months if that long, I <mod edit-gentlelady-methods> Now you tell me, maybe I am doing something wrong. But every day that I laugh or find the smallest joy I think about how it was worth it not to die. And then when I have a really bad day, I try to look back and convince myself that if I had succeeded in my efforts, there would be so many great times I would have missed. It makes you think, maybe things are not always as bas as you believe them to be.