Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kaos General, Dec 7, 2010.

  1. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Ive come to the realisation that im the cause for a lot of upset to a lot of people at the moment. This isnt a whining thread or me trying to get sympathy or attention, its me sincerely apologising for anyone i have upset with my actions.

    I think that sometimes i become obsessed with doing the right thing that i dont stop and think of the consequences of my actions. This is because of something that happened last year and im just really really fucking scared its gonna happen again. I sat by and watched it happen and even cinsidered leaving SF for about 6 months because of it. If i can prevent it from happening again i will but not at the cost of making people feel like shit, thats not right because that has the opposite affect.

    I know i can be a asshole and i know i can be stubborn and obtuse and at times i refuse to listen to reason and i am trying my best to change that because even i know its unacceptable.

    Biggest problem im trying to sort out is myself. I dont like myself, never have done, im actually finally getting used to having some self respect and its weird. I guess im getting used to being liked and loved and because im not used to it im trying to make people hate me again because its what im used to. Im slowly getting there but its really hard.

    Im 27 years old and ive had a lot of shit said and done to me over the years, some of it self inflicted, some not and its taken a toll. Someone loves me and for the first time in my life i believe her, thats a lot for me to deal with so i guess im taking it out on everyone else.

    Anyways im sorry if its you ive upset in the last few months i honestly didnt mean to.
  2. black orchid

    black orchid Well-Known Member

    You haven’t said or done anything to upset me, quite the opposite in fact.
    Your obsession with doing the right thing has only ever benefitted me and I know you well enough to know that you don’t intentionally try and hurt people and apologise when you are wrong.
    No matter what you do I will never hate you, you know that and I really do hope that one day you will get to the point where you can see what I and others see in you, and accept that you are a lot better person than you have been lead to believe in the past.
    Like I’ve already said to you I’m glad you finally believe that I love you and I can understand that it must be hard for you to accept it. I am going nowhere so it is a feeling you will have plenty of time to get used to it :)
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    She said it better than I could, I totally agree.

    I know what happened last year, and I don't want to see that happen again either.

    You haven't upset me, and I'm definitely not going to hate you. You've had a lot to deal with, in the past and even now. I know it's not easy, but I can tell you're really trying. That says a lot about who you are.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :wub: :arms:
  5. victor

    victor Account Closed

    dunno bout anyone else, but u made my day yesterday, mate:)
  6. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Thanks all. i just wanna make ammends with a few people because ive done and said some shit that is out of order. Ive blamed people for saying and doing shit when they aint the ones to blame. Ive got a lot going on in my head at the minute and some people dont exactly help but i tend to blow things out of all proportion when in reality they are minisicule.
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    This is one of the nicest thread I have seen in a has made my day...J
  8. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Thanks :laugh: i was doing a lot of thinking yesterday and was analysing things that ive said and done and it wasnt nice
  9. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    The nice thing about human interactions, is that many times they can be repaired...that is an art, one I am in the process of learning, because one has to be comfortable with shame in order to do it right, as well as, learn to forgive one's self...this is not easy, but a journey worth taking...J