Hmmmmm

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BlackPegasus, Mar 17, 2008.

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  1. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    It's sort of awkward now. I mean soon he will be able to regularly check up on what I post here. I am a bit suicidal at the moment due to a few life stresses but if he knows that he won't stick around..I mean he told me he wouldn't stick around for that torture of worrying about me hurt myself. So I am stuck burying these feelings and soon won't be able to talk about them here either. Must hide the pain..bury the past, dig deep into darkness and obsession......Heaven knows I don't honestly want to worry or hurt him...it's just these dark feelings...pulling me into the darkness...I shouldn't pull him down with me however. Silence...
     
  2. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    *************hugs************** *hug
     
  3. AimeeLou1984

    AimeeLou1984 Member

    I know how you feel about not wanting to hurt the person you love with how you feel. However, trust me - hiding it is definitely not the best way to go about it.

    The person I care about more than anything else in the world has found my suicide attempts/depression really hard to deal with. He's told me so many times he can't keep doing this and he gets gut wrenching pains every time I'm not in his sight. I feel terrible but it also made me feel angry because I felt he didn't understand what I was going through at the time.

    Depression/suicidal thoughts are not controllable sometimes. It isn't your fault why this is happening. However I do understand that you cannot talk to him about this and that you now feel you can't write on this website anymore. However if I were you I would ask him not to check this website. He knows that you have suicidal feelings and yes it hurts him and he can't deal with it, but how can you deal with them yourself if you cannot vent them anywhere?

    It's like a journal. A journal is private - it contains all of our personal thoughts and it helps us to deal with things. Just because you write something down it doesn't mean that you will do it. By telling people on this forum that you are suicidal you are being honest with how you feel and you in turn get replies from people who understand. That can do you the world of good and so if anything, he should be thankful that you are venting your thoughts and feelings through here and not onto him. Ask him to respect your privacy and stress that venting on here helps you to feel better. He should be able to understand that and trust you enough not to check up on you.

    Just talk to him about how important it is for you and that you know you are hurting him, you are sorry, you don't want to stress him out anymore and that is why ou are confiding in people on here. He should understand if he cares about you and that way you still get to tell us how you are feeling and get some kind of support when you need it :)

    Please don't bottle it up :)

    Aimee xxxx
     
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