Hole in my heart

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by kidB, Jan 19, 2009.

  1. kidB

    kidB Active Member

    I don't even know where to begin filling this void in my life. There's this emptiness, a sinking feeling that I come home to every night I'm alone. I feel like my life is worthless, and the only way of stopping that is filling it with love.

    Last night was great. I know she was drunk, but she told me she loved me, and she reassured me that I should know that despite the past couple of weeks. Lately she has been lovey again, and I'm just sitting here embracing it, knowing full well what's to come. I think it'll probably be a couple of weeks until things end again.

    I kind of wish there was a way to get her out of my life entirely. The four or so days back in my college town from winter break were fantastic without her here. There was nothing to do but go out and have fun with friends. Lo and behold, once she returned, so did my anxiety. Now, because of my anxiety, there's this void back, there's avoidance - I want to avoid work and responsibility at all costs. I feel a canyon of disconnection from my pursuits because of it. The only time I can truly accomplish anything on my own is when I know she is safely asleep...because then there's nothing to worry about.

    It's getting scary. I have been battling these anxiety problems for years and the closest I've come to overcoming them is through the means of and encouragement from a stronger person. Soon, my time here at college will end, and so will my time with her. Just thinking about gives me and overwhelming sensation of loneliness and defeat. These problems control me...when I graduate, I'll have no more safe haven, and no more comfort zone...I'll have to face the world on my own and quite frankly I have no idea how I'm going to get myself up to that task.

    Tonight is a hopeless-feeling night.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2009
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Once you graduate, you will start a new chapter in your life. There will be new and different challenges but also surprises and new things to look forward to.
  3. kidB

    kidB Active Member

    Thanks for the response mystic eyes...appreciate your thoughts. The idea of the unknown is frightening.
  4. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    I know that the idea of the unknown is frightening but the only way to overcome it is to face it. Good luck :)
  5. Adhara

    Adhara Member

    If you find a girl you truly love, try helping her understand how you feel. A person who understands you, or at least tries, can be of much help.

    I know how you feel. I have been terrified since I left school. I don't know what I would do if a I hadn't got a family, I probably wouldn't be alive by now. Try not to look at the future if you can avoid it, and yes, I know it can be really difficult, put try concentrating in whatever you're doing at the moment so you will avoid thinking about your anxiety.