I don't even know where to begin filling this void in my life. There's this emptiness, a sinking feeling that I come home to every night I'm alone. I feel like my life is worthless, and the only way of stopping that is filling it with love. Last night was great. I know she was drunk, but she told me she loved me, and she reassured me that I should know that despite the past couple of weeks. Lately she has been lovey again, and I'm just sitting here embracing it, knowing full well what's to come. I think it'll probably be a couple of weeks until things end again. I kind of wish there was a way to get her out of my life entirely. The four or so days back in my college town from winter break were fantastic without her here. There was nothing to do but go out and have fun with friends. Lo and behold, once she returned, so did my anxiety. Now, because of my anxiety, there's this void back, there's avoidance - I want to avoid work and responsibility at all costs. I feel a canyon of disconnection from my pursuits because of it. The only time I can truly accomplish anything on my own is when I know she is safely asleep...because then there's nothing to worry about. It's getting scary. I have been battling these anxiety problems for years and the closest I've come to overcoming them is through the means of and encouragement from a stronger person. Soon, my time here at college will end, and so will my time with her. Just thinking about gives me and overwhelming sensation of loneliness and defeat. These problems control me...when I graduate, I'll have no more safe haven, and no more comfort zone...I'll have to face the world on my own and quite frankly I have no idea how I'm going to get myself up to that task. Tonight is a hopeless-feeling night.