Holiday saddness

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Lost_Daughter, Nov 15, 2011.

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  1. Lost_Daughter

    Lost_Daughter Well-Known Member

    The holidays are fast approaching and I feel like the Grinch. I dread it because with both my husband and I not working we can barely pay the bills, much less put gifts under the tree for our kids. Plus, without my mother here, I don't feel much like celebrating. Tonight my 10yr old daughter was writing a letter for Santa when she suddenly stopped, looked at me with tears in her eyes, and said "I wish I could ask Santa to bring grandma back". I tried to console her the best I could without totally breaking down myself, and simply told her so did I. Then she began asking the same questions we have been asking since her suicide..."why didn't she ask for help?"..."how could she leave us?". I told her the same things people have told me when I ask those questions, feeling angry at my mom again for having to try to explain this to my child. I just hope one day the holidays will be filled with joy again instead of them being sad and painful.
     
  2. RumoursOfMyDemise

    RumoursOfMyDemise Well-Known Member

    That's really awful. I think anyone would be dreading the holidays in your position. I'm so sorry for your loss. You are clearly doing the best you can for your family.
     
  3. Lost_Daughter

    Lost_Daughter Well-Known Member

    Thank you Gemma. I am trying my best to stay strong for my kids but it is really hard when I'm falling apart on the inside. Everyone tells me things will get better, but they keep getting worse. I don't know, maybe I just need to get through the holidays and then focus on trying to change my attitude. They say positive attracts positive, but at this point being positive seems imposible. Thank god I got my kids and husband, they are the only thing keeping me going...for now.
     
  4. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Hi LD,

    Holidays have the knack to amplify both the best and the worst. I really do hope you will still manage to make good memories out of this year holiday season. Maybe planning something which departs from your usual holiday rituals would help to some extent. Something like making your own Christmas decoration with popcorn and such, or a special trip to get your trees. I think we often forget that the best presents we can give is our time. wish you well.
     
  5. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I don't know what I could possibly say that might help you feel any better, but I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.

    I agree with Isabel that it might be a good idea to plan something different for this Christmas and create new traditions. Since you'll obviously all be thinking of your mum, try to think of a good way you can include her in your day even though she's not physically with you. For example, if you talk about her/to her together as a family in the morning, even cry together, it'll stop sadness taking over the whole day.

    Also, please remember that it doesn't take a lot to make Christmas special for children. There seems to be a strange notion these days that parents need to spend a fortune on their children and get them loads of presents, but that's not the case. Yes, kids love to have the latest thing, but they don't need it. A couple of thoughtful gifts can be as good, if not better. And as Isabel suggests, get the kids to help you make Christmas decorations, and there are lots of free activities you can do with them; go to a carol service, or walk around looking at people's Christmas lights. Also, as Christmas food can end up costing a lot, start buying things now when they're on offer to save you having to do one big expensive shop in December.

    Sorry to ramble on, I don't know if any of that is any help. One day you'll find the joy in the holidays again, but don't try to speed up your grief. You need to deal with your loss in your own time. In the meantime, just try to enjoy Christmas with your husband and children as much as you can.

    Mim
     
  6. Lost_Daughter

    Lost_Daughter Well-Known Member

    Is it wrong that I don't want to go to my immediate family's thanksgiving dinner? I'm not really close to any of my remaining family, which is very small, except for one aunt who is my moms sister. I feel guilty for not wanting to go because I know my aunt is hurting inside as well, but last year felt like torture because the entire time all I did was think of my mom and how she should have been there. My kids enjoy seeing them, and I know it brings my family joy as well, but the very thought of going makes me want to cry and I'm tired of crying.
     
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am deeply sorry for the pain in which you have been living since your mom died. I remember it took 4 years for me to begin to feel better after my father died. I was 29 years old when he passed. The pain was undescrible during those years. I have a question for you. Have you considered grief counsellling? Believe me, I am not saying that what you are feeling is wrong. Not at all. I am just wishing you could get support. for me I had so much of the grief bottled up inside. I will never forget the intense pain of it all. I wish relief for your grieving heart. :hug:
     
  8. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss and your struggle, Nicole. For very different reasons, the holidays are awful for me every year. You're not alone in your "Grinchiness"! Sending hugs and friendship... :console:
     
  9. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Yes, holidays and other special occasions, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. tend to make my depression deeper and the pain sharper for me.

    I think the only hope for me is endurance, to survive my grief.
     
  10. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    I totally feel you, this is the worst time of year for me... I can't afford to give my kids a Christmas either, not even a ham for dinner and I have no family to spend the holidays with. Every year within a week of Christmas someone I love dies, every single year, it's like a plague.

    This past week I've been feeling like I wont make it through the season alive this year.
     
  11. Null

    Null Well-Known Member

    My boss died yesterday... I didn't know him very well, but he gave me a chance when no one else did. I hate the holidays... its always a reminder to how crappy life can be.

    Sorry, not trying to Hijack. :(
     
  12. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi anonymous
    you are not hijacking anything. its really good that you posted here. I am really sorry that your boss died. Sounds like you really liked him. How horribly sad. I hope you have co-workers to be with. I think its appropriate to grieve even if you did not know someone that well, if you cared about the person and liked him.
     
  13. red ribbons

    red ribbons Well-Known Member

    I sure feel better since the holidays are over. I was REALLY depressed this year through them.
     
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