Holidays just fucking suck. *possible trigger*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by HarleyTwin, Dec 14, 2008.

  1. HarleyTwin

    HarleyTwin Staff Alumni

    Ok, first off, I was doing all right for the last week. I got a phone call from my brother giving me some potentionally happy news that he and his fiancee were coming down on December 26th for a later Christmas surprise for my parents (His step-mother is my mother). I was all excited, trying to organize things we could do for Christmas, they weren't bringing the kids unfortunately, but as long as I had someone to celebrate it with me, I was ok. Especially since my brother and I are close, as well as his fiancee and I. It beats spending the day alone moping. (side-note, December 26th would also be my late son's 5th birthday.)

    Now, to explain, my brother is being accused of something he didn't do. I'm willing to bet everything I love on his innocence. To put it briefly, he's been framed of being in possession of child pornography material. (burnt-to-disc-videos, to be specific) This crap has been going on for about 2 years because of a fall-out between him and some ex-friend. My sister-in-law to be is also under the investigation of family and child services which is complete BULLSHIT because she's the best fucking mother I know in this generation. She would give up anything for those kids, and she knows my brother and I would do equally the same.

    The issue is, there's a trial on for my brother in January. I have no money (I live in low-income housing as it is, and I live in a different state) to be there for him, and even if I did go, I'd only make him look worse and it could go against him. If the jury find him guilty, I will lose my brother for the next 5-7 years while he's in prison for something he didn't do. My neices (almost 6, and almost 4) and nephew (2 and-a-half) will lose their father, my sister-in-law will lose her fiancee and they're supposed to be getting married in August (In dark humor, they decided worst case scenario....they're going to get married while he's fucking incarcerated. Nice.)

    I knew of all this drama before the "announcement", and they were hoping to take the trip to come down here before the court cases (she has one too for her "prove you're a good mother" bullshit) UNFORTUNATELY, after getting ourselves all excited Family Services for some weird fucking reason have decided they're not shutting down over the Christmas holidays, so to leave the kids over Christmas will look bad if they decide to "show up" and check on them, that she's gone on vacation without the children.

    Now don't get me wrong, she wouldn't "abandon" them or "neglect" them. But when family services have forbidden my brother to see his own children because of HIS fucking issues, it's kind of hard for them to come with, and they're under enough stress to have to endure no vacation time. My brother has even had to move out of the house and hasn't seen his kids for more than two hours in the last 18 months. He even missed his son's first steps and first words.

    Ok, so that's cancelled, and I'm left again being stuck alone for the holidays. Chanukah starts in less than two weeks, and I can't even find a damn Menorah in this stupid town, let alone stores who actually know what the hell it IS. The rest of the family here I don't speak to, or are Jehovah's Wittnesses, and the only real-life/off-line friend I have is Chinese and they don't celebrate it either. (Not only that, but she's technically my youth/social worker, so it's unethical to see her on days she's not "rostered" to see me.

    Sure, I get to go see a movie with her on Boxing Day, but being it the middle of Chanukah, and still spending Christmas by myself with the only thing to celebrate with is my cat who's birthday it is, memories of my kids and the depression I've been feeling lately, it hardly seems to make up for it. As much as I'm dying to see the movie.

    Ugh. I feel like such a damn Scrooge today. I'm just soooooo pissed. And on top of that, I'm scared as hell about the trial because it might just happen that I won't see him again. :( I'm sorry this was such a long rant, I just HATE people, I HATE this stupid "child protection" government fake bullshit, and I hate the holidays. Where the hell were child protection when *I* needed them instead of throwing me to be bait for a paedophile? But nooooo, that have to pick on someone who actually has a human fucking heart.

    Sorry again, I'm rambling. I guess I needed to get this out and just beg for some words of comfort, or advice, a prayer, anything. I'm desperate and I just feel myself slipping. I don't want to get there again.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry you and your family are going through so much. It sounds like a very nasty and tense situation. I hope it all works out for all of you. :hug:
     
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Hey GraceAndShadow.

    I'm sorry to hear about the circumstances that you and your brother and his finance are in. Sometimes it seems like no matter what, things just go bad.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello Grace and Shadow, I'm sorry to hear about your families circumstances :( I hope everything goes okay. I'm here if you need to talk :hug: