I am bad. Bad. I have not slept in 2 days. I am manic. The only things I've eaten in the past 48 hours is 2 chicken strips, a few green olives, and half a slice of pizza. I've had, total, for the past 48hours, maybe 30oz of fluid. I'm obsessing over things, big time. Things I would never, ever do normally. Illegal drugs. I don't understand - I don't do drugs, not even weed, I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke. But I have now committed a crime (I have taken nothing. however). I don't understand, they have never held appeal for me before. And I want to die. So much. All these plans, crazy plans, ridiculous plans. Plans that could land me in jail if I failed. I've never even had a speeding ticket. Psychosis is coming on. I refuse to be hospitalized. I guess my case manager put me on the crisis follow up list. They called me friday, but I didn't answer. They just called me again....I did not answer. After this week, my case manager is going on a 2wk vacation. I will not have anyone to check in with during that time. This is the most unstable I've been in a long time...doing stupid shit....shit I never wanted to do before, shit I hated and despised. For 4 1/2 years I was bipolar. Now I got another diagnosis on top of it....I have developed schizophrenia. My life is over. There is no hope. Forget the meds. I'm done trying and suffering. What will be, will be.