Holy Mother Of God

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Victori@, Sep 8, 2008.

  1. Victori@

    Victori@ Well-Known Member

    Holy Mother of God

    I’m back at my house after being in the hospital for a week…. I’m running in circles again getting even more frustrated with doctors and psychologists than I have ever been. I was doing the same thing at the hospital at home. My god! It’s like I’m speaking a foreign language and know body can understand what the hell I’m trying to say… Pisses me off…But I am still here day after day trying to figure what the hell I am going to do next.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Victoria, I know how frustrating it is to deal with doctors and psychiatrists, they never fully understand how you feel. I hope being your stay at the hospital was of benefit to you :hug: I hope you are feeling better today
  3. Victori@

    Victori@ Well-Known Member

    You know you are so sweet Daisy!
  4. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    well, if you ever want to chat with me, ill try and understand your language :)
    hope your feeling better :hug:
  5. Victori@

    Victori@ Well-Known Member

    So my boyfriend came home last night and we had a biggggg fight. He has been using drugs for quite sometime now and I asked him to take regular drug tests. He freaking lost his mind!! There for I am led to believe that he is still using. All I want to know is if he is going to continue to use these drugs so I can get out of here and move on with my life. I don’t want to be with somebody that drinks or uses drugs.

    People can talk talk talk all they want, but I need some actions to go along with it. If you say you’re going to do something, you have to show me. He has told me that he has stopped using drugs but won’t go to have regular drug tests?? That just doesn’t make any sense. He has been lying to me for almost 2 years now about his drug use. Telling me that it’s not his and he is just selling it. What a crock of shit. I am not a stupid person but sometimes he makes me feel like I am. WE haven’t slept in the same bed now for over a year due to his drug use.

    All I want to know is if he is still using and if he is going to continue to use in the future. If he won’t to stop and get help, I am more than willing to be by his side and support him all the way. But this has to stop, has to stop now. I am not well because off all this stress, it’s only making me worse and slowing down my progress. I am at the end with him, it sucks but it’s the only thing I can do!
  6. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    :hug: Vics,
    I'm always here if you need someone.
    I know how you feel, I had a bf who was an alcoholic..

    SO it's like the same thing:hug:
  7. Victori@

    Victori@ Well-Known Member

    Trying to sort through all my life… ugggg… I remember when I was young and free. I remember being lonely at a very young age. I remember being made fun of at school because I didn’t have nice clothes and my clothes smelled of cigarette smoke. I remember when my mom left. I remember the screaming and crying. I remember the drinking and the darkness that followed my parents. I remember moving from house to house. I remember kids throwing snowballs at me when I got off the bus to go home. I remember becoming pregnant and the fear that ran through my body. I remember going to school with morning sickness and having the kids stare at me while I was in the nurse’s room… I could hear them whispering about me… I remember cutting myself at age 12 to feel something… I remember begging for somebody to hear me… to see me.

    I remember the last time I talked to him on the phone…the night before he died. I remember him crying to me. I awoke the next morning to find my father and his girlfriend at the kitchen table with blank stares on their faces. I remember my father telling me that ‘he’s dead’ I remember how the house went cold and started to fill up with my screams and tears. I went to your visitation the next day. I walked up to your casket and told you I loved you. I went to your funeral and I saw the hundreds of people that you left behind.

    I remember when I met you… I remember telling you all of this… I told you that I couldn’t handle anymore stress or pain… But you like to get high. You like the feeling of being unstoppable. You have caused me so much pain. I remember seeing the blood all over the bed, all down your face. I can see through you… right through…

    I remember all of this because it’s all I have.