Homeless after my June 26th Suicide Attempt

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by william9_17, Jul 13, 2011.

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  1. william9_17

    william9_17 Member

    Hi my name's Bill. I recently tryed to commit suicide on June 26th now I'm homeless. I don't know really how to start of or if it even matters but after a fight with my at the time fiance I snapped and tryed to kill myself. I've been struggling with thoughts of suicide for 16 years. I was so hurt by her and life in general I just wanted the pain to stop. I realized what I had done after slitting my wrists and trying to OD and called 911. I was in the hospital during which my fiance called my hospital room and dumped me over the phone and said I would have to leave. Now I'm homeless and I just found out she is pregnant. Because she says I betrayed her trust I will never get to be with her and I won't get to be a part of my childs life if she has anything to do with that. Life has gotten so much harder and half my family won't acknowledge me and the other half won't help me because of what I did. I really did end my life in a very ironic way. I just want my family back and it seems it's something I will never have. I'm trying to piece myself back together but I don't think anything I ever do will fix my moment of weakness and pain...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Well hun she can't keep youfrom your child get a lawyer now okay and get your rights established visitation being one. You can get back on track on Get therapy get on meds show her you can become stable You were sick hun depression does that makes us do things we just seem so sure is right at that moment. Hugs to you
     
  3. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Agreed - she can't keep you from your child. That's one thing you can be sure of.

    Good luck with everything.
     
  4. william9_17

    william9_17 Member

    Thank you...I am going to start therapy for my PTSD and chronic depression and I'm on an anti-depressent now and have started looking for new work. I was so crushed after what she let me know last night that I was on the verge of giving up again. She told me she never really loved me and never wanted to marry me or for me to move in...She said she had only used me to get pregnant. The only thing that kepted me from attempting again was the idea of that baby. I don't know though how I'm going to survive having to deal with my depression and her all at the same time and the custody fight that I will probably have to be involved in if I'm able to get back on my feet. I'm even wondering if I even deserve to be a father. I almost left my child without a dad on the 26th what kind of person does that make me?
     
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Bill you ask what kind of person it makes you for attempting to kill yourself - truth is - suicide is a state of mind - you were not able to think things through and in this case the cruelty of this woman played a big part. After all being a father - you were ready for that - but when its the wrong woman all hell can break loose and the child becomes a bargaining chip of sorts - I mean - she can break your heart and shatter you by denying you the chance to be 'proper' father and to be there all the time.

    So in a way this makes you a stronger man. You have a few things on the go which are positive things - and as for homelessness I'm sure that if you get help then your sickness right now should see you given some accommodation.

    You deserve to be a father - but this woman will hold this attempt against you I am sure. This is a sign of her own weakness - and to be honest you are better off without her because she has no empathy - she has a cruel streak in fact which would always be there - like a firework waiting to go off in your face!

    Best move is to concentrate on making your life get better day by day. A real man faces his own weaknesses - a man who thinks about dying or who tries to die - is no less a man than other men.

    In the twisted logic of your attempt I guess you thought you would be doing the child a favour. You think - somehow, that the child would be better off without you - and this woman is there to sing the chorus to that tired old song. You got to a point were you thought you were nothing - but that is depression - it makes you see things that way - and even the BEST of us would actually see ourselves as the scum of the world for nothing more than some fu**** up illness!

    Pardon the language - but it is that way sometimes - and we just have to not spend too much time in our own heads. Work is a good things Bill - you know that being with others is a good thing and I'm sure you are good company to work with.

    So - take it one day at a time - and obviously get help and seek advice over child rights. Make the applications - go through the channels, because one day this child will wonder what really happened with mum and dad. Even if you are told all your life that your father was no good - lets face it - its not unusual for a woman to actually hate the father - let her personal feelings become the child's!

    This thing can either way - some dads do not give a damn. But you do - very much so - and all you can do is be there when you are allowed to be there - make sure birthdays and so on are always ones in which you either visit or send a card and present. I guess the law allows for this and you need some kind of system in place as you do not want her to rip up every card - steal every present and deny you ever sent them.

    Hard as it might be now - this child will grow up soon enough - she or he will ask questions and want to know you more if they do not already know you.

    Anything could happen - maybe she might get sick of things once the child makes demands on her life. You should be there - make a life so you have a home and a place for the child to go to.

    Best of luck - and God Bless also in your endeavours
     
  6. william9_17

    william9_17 Member

    Thanks for your support. I feel horrible for putting my ex through this even after everything she's done. I know I hurt her by what I did but I'm trying to cope with things by telling myself if she really loved me she would have stuck with me and that I may have abandoned her and the child I didn't now that I had at the time. I just got a bike so I can get around the area easier and range out from the shelter farther to look for work. I'm trying to hard but I still want to die...I'm fighting it though. I just want my family back...
     
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    After you get on your feet you should think about a lawyer..If you wait to long she can skip town and there isn't anything you can do.. Go ahead and get the ball rolling.. Partial custody, visitation,your name on the birth certificate..You should start the process because she will damn sure come after you for child support..Sit down and think things thru and take a pen and paper and write down everything you can think of that would pertain to this.. This is a sore subject with me because when I started divorce proceedings against my ex she skipped town and went back up north.. There wasn't anything I could do..I missed out on alot of my daughters upbringing and she ended up on the streets..To this day she can't keep a job..
     
  8. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi william,

    Just do what you can now. I imagine your "ex" must be very mad at you for what happened but things may change when the child is born. (It was very stressful to bear a baby while the father of the child went to attempt suicide.) I'm not saying you can count on that, but there is a great possibility...

    Anyway, just do what you can now - to get a job, get through depression, get yourself together...who knows, you may even have your family back, especially when you come out stronger and more mature...

    With loving wishes...
     
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