I'm feeling homesick again. It's been a couple weeks since school started and I've really wished for nothing more than going home. I act sickeningly cheerful for everyone else, as per usual. I don't think anyone really knows exactly how much I want to go home. I don't pretend it's not there. I'll mention it in passing, but the fact that I can't go home until Christmas is weighing down on me hard as many people I go to school with go home for Labor Day weekend because they live closer. I don't know what I'll be doing this weekend. Probably working/studying/trying to find something other to do than cry in my dorm like I am now. I want my aunt, uncle, and my cousin. I want my dogs and my cat. I never wanted to be here in the first place. My classes are stupidly easy, my job doesn't take up enough time, and I haven't found any club activities I really want to do. I never really thought I'd get this far. I was always so in the middle of struggling that I never thought I'd actually see college. Now I'm here and I don't want to be but I don't see any alternative. I can't go home. I wouldn't be able to look them in the eyes if I did. I just don't know what to do other than continue going on like this. I should call for that psychiatrist appointment. I should call my aunt. I should do something but I feel paralyzed.