Had an appointment with one of my new psychiatrists today and he asked me questions about my past, mainly relationships I've been in. I told him about my attraction to violent and abusive women, how I seem to be attracted to women with worse problems than myself. He was very understanding and I started to feel a little trust with him so I told him something that I don't easily admit to many people (my family is very anti-gay/homophobic), that the most loving relationship I'd been in was with another man 6 years ago while I was working in Melbourne and that I regretted the affair had to end when I returned to Tasmania. The doctor gave me the strangest look and said 'No, no, no, I don't want to hear about this, how could you, thats just wrong. We'll wrap it up there and call it a day.' I spent the rest of the day since then slipping further and further into depression and was looking forward to seeing my dad who normally cheers me up. But instead we got onto the topic of my last suicide attempt and he told me all he went through seeing me in that coma.. add guilt to my anger and depression, some days I just wish I hadn't survived.