I really don't mean to sound whiny, but I hate living on this planet. I want to disappear and never come back. I wasn't meant to be here. I fantasize about suicide daily, and today had an urge to begin planning. I'm homosexual. I've realized that's never going to change. I've known since I was 7. I don't want to have to deal with spending a lifetime hiding and lying but promised myself at 13 that I would never, ever tell anyone my secret. Pretending I'm okay when I'm not. My parents would be so upset if they knew and I would cause the family endless shame. I feel like everyone would hate me. The whole world. I'm a burden to them and to to this world in which I don't belong. I feel I have no future, no hope. The only time I'm happy is when I sleep. Just die and it would all be over, painlessly (I've had enough pain already). I have no friends either. No one to talk to about my death wish. The other day someone told be how gay homosexuals are not better than murderers because of HIV/AIDS, and I suggested to him I might be gay. He said he hopes I die of AIDS. To feel hated by so many for something I am is the worst feeling I've ever had. So I feel I'm left with but one option, take my own life. I would be better off and so too would the world. Death seems rational to me.