well.... the thing is.... i am without a doubt certain that my depression is not due to a chemical imbalance. It is purely my F**cked up mind driving me mad. I suppose doctors would consider me severely delusional now, when analyzing my thoughts on living and life. Simply...I dont get life. I dont see why everyone chooses to live. I doubt the realness of people. I see myself breaking down one day screaming about everyone not being real, about everyone being a preset entity. I fear that is what they will lock me up for in the end. Perhaps that is what is best, as the mass murder thoughts seem to be subconsciously taking over, its all leading up to that moment. Perhaps they should lock me up before I cant be stopped. Perhaps i should just save everyone the trouble and off myself. If i were to be seriously considering these things, would it not be better to rid the world of my future atrocities, knowing for sure that I would never appreciate life and being completely certain that i am too far gone for "effective treatment"? wouldn't that make sense?