honestly.. what else can go wrong

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lav11, Mar 14, 2012.

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  1. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member


    im over it...
    So i called my counsellor an hour before she finished her shift saying i need to move out ..its not even been 4 nights since i ran away last.. counsellor said to do the exact sme thing i did last time i ran away, go to the same shelter but this time wait until she can see me and we can sort out what to do next.. me being the foolish one agreed to call the shelter and go stay there for the night, she hangs up and brilliant me decides i dont have the guts to do that again, so i go and pack my stuff up to attempt.. So i get to where im going to attempt and this lovely counsellor calls the shelter and has obviously checked to see if i had called which i hadnt. The shelter then called me asking if i wanted the room, i said id think about it and call them back (if i didnt end up dying id call em back and stay the night) Ended up not only chickening out but not calling them back!!!
    Now im sitting at my mothers yet again, waiting just to be abused yet another time all because im an absoloute chicken! I deserve to be abused, i always have and i always will.. I dont even really deserve the opportunity to move out of this house..

    My friend in real life has asked me not to tell her parents where she is after she ran away with a guy double her age.. so ive told her sister who is planning on telling the police of his age... i feel like ive betrayed her but as much as i want to, i personally dont trust this guy. I try to feel sorry for him when he calls me up complaining but i just cant.
    She called me up in a crisis the last time i ran away and i couldnt help her and she ended up attemting so i called the police on her. I try to help her but i dont know what to say, if i say the wrong thing i feel like this guy wont let me talk to her but i say what he wants me to say well im being a bad friend.

    I dont know what to do anymore, i feel like im failing everyone. Im stupid, im pathetic and i dont deserve to waste other peoples air.
    I want to die, i want to attemp, i want the pain to go
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You do not deserve any abuse, in fact, you deserve caring and compassion...that is very difficult to accept when we feel like we do not count and when we feel like we are the so far from who we want to be...I truly know what that feels like as I have lived there for so many years...I also know what it feels like to live with, "if I live today, I will ____" it is awful and lonely...please keep posting and knowing that there are so many ppl here who can relate...and also please hold on to that so that others can be there for you
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