Honestly.. What Else is There to Try?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by QuadLazer, Nov 11, 2008.

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  1. QuadLazer

    QuadLazer Well-Known Member

    I've talked to everyone in my family about it. Again and again and again. I've even talked to OTHER people's families about it.
    I've talked to all of my friends about it, especially my closest ones.
    I still do both of the above on an almost regular basis, especially the second one.
    I've talked to countless doctors, therapists, social workers, psychiatrists, nurses, MHAs, you name it. For hours and hours upon end, sometimes.
    I've been hospitalized. Three times.
    I've been in like three different types of therapy, both in and out patient.
    I've taken anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, anti-everything. I was only 16 and I was on 9 different medications at one time.
    I've tried religion. Not for me.
    I've more or less given up on dating completely after a... certain person.
    I've called the crisis center. That REALLY did not help, and I'll be damned if I do it again.

    I mean, heck, I've followed the steps to the letter. I have never once argued against treatment and I have always been responsible for it. I completely understand that I cannot force people to help me. I've listened and listened and listened. During my time in the hospital, I helped every other patient around me. Every single time. I do realize, especially recently, that it's not other peoples' responsibility to help me, but why offer it if you're just joking or you can't actually follow through? Why would you do that?
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Quadlazer. Well, it appears that you've tried practically everything there is to try out there. The only person who can make you feel better is YOU. Happiness comes from within. I'm not saying that you're not trying, I'm sure you are. You have to look deep inside and find out what will make you happy again. :hug:
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Quadlazer,
    I know how it goes. I have told everyone my self and they don't say anything it's like the light comes on but the mind is empty. I guess they get tounge tied. I get frustated and just walk away. Hell my therapist doesn't want to talk about it, I guess they are obligated to report you if you are talking about harming yourself. I have been in and out of the hospital ten times.
    I can relate to alot of others you have listed but I just woke up and can't think yet!!~Joseph~
  4. hopeless

    hopeless Well-Known Member

    i can relate. i've been down the same road and tried everything you've tired as well. i know the feeling of nothing helping and just feeling plain 'hopeless' like nothing you do can ever make you feel better.

    i have tried one thing that isn't on your list and it helps with my anxiety when i can remember to do it. it's called CES, Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulation. it is not ECT by a long shot but it does something similar. you have to get a note from a doctor (the site provides a blanket letter for the prescription for the machine) to get one of the machines and they are pretty expensive (my machine was $300 because it was one the doctor had in stock, but to order one from the site it costs about $500), but it does help with my stress which is a major trigger for me. for me it was well worth the money. my problem is remember to use it.

    you can find information at this website: http://www.alpha-stim.com/SCS.html
  5. QuadLazer

    QuadLazer Well-Known Member

    Oh my... Dude, no. No. I do extremely appreciate the suggestion. ECT is taking too great of measures for too easy of a problem to solve. Well, at least in my case.

    Anyway, I actually got a chance to see my therapist like a week ago. It was only for about an hour, but I did get a complaint filed concerning my experience on the crisis line. I was really relieved to hear that she actually was ticked that the guy I talked to on the phone didn't even take the time to log the phone. She showed me the record and, while she didn't have the authority to play it back, she volunteered to contact his supervisor and file the complaint for me. It was a huge relief to me because, even though everyone I told said that the guy was just being a jackass, I still felt like it was my fault for giving in to him so quickly.

    She also discussed the definition of an emergency with me. She said that, while I was correct in saying that thoughts of suicide are not an emergency, it depends more on the environmental "norms." For example, she informed me that the number I called actually is just a switch that takes the call to a mental institution. Not a hospital, not a behavioral modification center, not a rehab-place, a honest to goodness psycho hall. She said that, while the guy who I called should've gotten my information to bring my records up, she wasn't entirely surprised for the simple fact that the place he was in was nothing BUT emergencies. She even said that the hospital won't even admit patients who have suicidal thoughts, even if they say they have a plan.

    I kinda understand it better now, but the guy had no right to be a jerk and just disconnect the call because I "wasn't in an emergency." He made me feel like I was a prank caller, and the result? I ended up doing some... bad things that night. My therapist was specifically upset with the fact that after breaking through that barrier and actually calling the number, Murphy's Law simply HAD to connect me to the guy who wouldn't even log a call unless I was practically bleeding to death. If I was "in an emergency," why the hell would I call a crisis line? Isn't that what 911 was invented for? I mean, I couldn't call a crisis line without a SIM card in my phone, therefor- a person in an emergency shouldn't be calling a crisis line to begin with. So, wtf?
  6. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Have you talked to God about it? :wink:

  7. QuadLazer

    QuadLazer Well-Known Member

    Well, I kinda already explained that in my first post...
  8. QuadLazer

    QuadLazer Well-Known Member

    ... But then again I suppose no one read it? :unsure:
  9. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Keep going and don't give up hope!


    One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
    Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
    In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
    Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
    other times there was one only.
    This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
    when I was suffering from anguish,
    sorrow or defeat,
    I could see only one set of footprints,
    so I said to the Lord,
    “You promised me Lord,
    that if I followed you,
    you would walk with me always.
    But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
    there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
    Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
    The Lord replied,
    “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
    my child, is when I carried you.”
  10. QuadLazer

    QuadLazer Well-Known Member

    It's odd how I specifically mention how I've already tried religion and how it didn't work in my first post (and, if you'd like me to reiterate, IT DID NOT HELP- in fact, it probably made things worse in the end)... and here I am on my... fifth... and yet people are still referring to it. I suppose this was to be expected, though... Thanks for the help, anyways. I guess.
  11. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I wasn't refering to 'religion' as such.

    Out of interest, what religion was it you tried and why do you say it made things worse?
  12. CPessimist

    CPessimist Well-Known Member

    Quad -

    Hey bro, hope you're feeling okay, don't be put down by people not reading your posts in their entirety, just feel happy that people care enough to respond at all :D. If you ever wanna talk drop me a PM. Also, in reading your first post it seems like you're dealing with hopeless. Hopeless sucks and is really hard to fight, but try not to give in to hopeless. Always believe that you can get better.

    I know you said you renounced dating, but knowing you have someone to care for you can be a huge boost to your self esteem and overall well being. Of course, on the other hand it is crushing if they fuck with you, but at this point it seems like it would be a risk worth taking

  13. parlyvous

    parlyvous New Member

    I've never heard of such a thing. Did your doctor suggest it to you. What did it seem to help? I have high high stress among other things , even today I took my frustration out on my cat by hitting her:sad: and I feel terrible. Worse than one can imagine. She is innocent and always looked to me for care and protection. I talk with doctors, groups, sibling everyone thinks if "you think happy thoughts" you WILL be happy. How stupid is that? Obviously they are content in their lives, so it is easy to say. Anyway back to the machine, could you give me your personal experience with using it , if you don't mind.
  14. parlyvous

    parlyvous New Member

    How sweet and I'm not trying to insult you, but preaching when many here don't have the same beliefs as you is not going to help. Obviously a 'higher power' isn't going to reach down and help or cure anyone. Just my take. People need REAL help.
  15. QuadLazer

    QuadLazer Well-Known Member

    Okay, titanic, it shouldn't matter what religion I tried to begin with. The point was that I already tried it and that it made things worse. End of topic. Appreciate it much grande, but not helping.

    It's not "hopeless." I suppose I do have "hope," or whatever you want to call it. Honestly, I'm more pissed off than "hopeless." I mean, I sit there and try. And try. And try. Then I try some more. I have followed my therapists and doctors AND family's advice and direction to the L.E.T.T.E.R. with zero results.

    I've always tried to be a nice guy. I've always tried to be the guy who would go out of his way to help someone. And so now when the nice guy needs a hand up, people don't care. They say they want to help, and in all honesty they do, but they don't want to take the time or put forth the effort in learning the situations and doing what's going to help me and not just them. They're too worried about their image and their "rep." And I'm just about done being nice. I don't want to stop, I try not to be mean, and personally I've never really taken out anything on any particular person... but this is getting ridiculous.

    All in all, I'm pretty much done putting up with myself. If that makes any sense.
  16. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Talking about it doesn't nessecarily help everyone. Though, you're welcome to do it, there are other methods to help you feel better from depression, have you tried medication?
  17. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Well, all I can say is that God has helped me, and many others. Its just the same as saying have you tried anti-depressents, some people say it works some don't, but personally I don't believe that a drug was the answer for me, but that's not to say other don't find them helpful. It was not preaching at all, I posted an inspiring poem which has given many people hope when they are down or lost and have tried everything else to no avail. I was only trying to be helpful, so there's no need to bite my head off just because you do not have faith. Hay ho each to their own. I too had tried everything and nothing helped, so I too know what it feels like. Im not asking the poster to try 'religion' I'm talking about faith and a personal relationship with God. Religion is generally about a set of rules.
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