Honesty - need to be it with myself before I can with anyone else!!!!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by GoldenPsych, May 19, 2008.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    So I have not been totally honest in what I put on here last week. I did end up taking the pills, I tracked down every last pill in the house and took all those to. I then went for a walk. Someone saw me staggering around outside and called police who then turned up when through my bag and in turn called ambulance as stupid me put the empty packs in my bag! I dont like in the best of all areas so suppose was some good samaritan doing what they throught was for the best. Spose they didnt want my brutal murder on their consciounce should anything happened. So I was threatened by police that if I didnt go with ambulance it would be going with them under mental health act. I denied taking anything but i think the vomiting sort of gave it away.

    Was made to speak to some crisis worker there but I couldnt talk. I was not with it and was very paranoid about everything and jumpy. I had to get out of there and was getting so worked up that I was shaking.

    So that was Tuesday.

    Then on Saturday I went to a party and was eating lots of hash cakes and drinking lots. Got home and fell asleep. Woke up in A+E as my boyfriend couldnt wake me. Nor could anyone else apparantly. Must have been mixture of hash and alcohol. Also it was the 1st day I had eaten anything since Tuesday. I decided I wasnt ging to eat anything as I wanted to be in control of something. So Wednesday, Thurs and Fri I did not eat one thing. It was only sat am when I decided I didnt really wanna pass out at work as not good for career or anything when people find out what is going on.

    I dont think I have been honest with my self about how bad things have been getting again. I am constantly thinking about ending everything. Even when I have good news about something the high doesnt last long before I GET DOWN about something else or even the same thing.

    I feel so weird today as if something has taken over my body. I feel on edge and jumpy. Really have got shakes and having weird thoughts about things. I had the hallucinating thing again last night in bed. Dont think BF notices as he thinks I am just moving around. it is really weird how it happens as is only a few mins after getting in to bed it happens so I am not asleep.

    So even though I have had some really good news todayI am already seeing the bad aspects and I am considering trying other methods. I am having to defer exams as they are supposed to be this week and I am not in any fit state at all to take them. I need to do well in them and I keep having feelings like I am doing I dont think I should be doing them. So this week I am not going to drink any alcohol. I have cut down loads and so I dont think that that is a problem anymore as i am not drinking all the time. A few months back it was everyday or everyother day as I was so hungover one day i couldnt drink anything. Now, although the last 2 times I have drank a bit it has ended up messy I am not drinking to excess. I will only prob have a drink at the weekend and even then I wont get hammered. So whoever it was I saw a psych medicine before can bollocks as I have cut down and I still have the same feelings and the same feelings tht I need to get out and just sleep forever!!!!!!
     
  2. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    I don't really know how to respond, all I can say is I hope you are safe and don't do anything dumb.
     
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