Honesty not the best policy?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Trogdor31188, Jun 7, 2009.

  1. Trogdor31188

    Trogdor31188 New Member

    Sorry about the wall of text.

    I was recently very honest with my possibly soon-to-be ex about a chance that I had to cheat on her and the thoughts that I had of cheating. I couldn't live with the guilt of feeling like a horrible person for even thinking of cheating on someone who has been so great to me. She wasn't very happy about my confession, but was glad that I was honest with her. Now it seems like we fight every day and there is a huge tension between us. I want to talk to her about it and apologize, but whenever I start to talk about it, I just mess it up and make things worse. Now she doesn't want to talk about it at all. She doesn't want to lose me as a friend. but I know that if we had to be "just friends" I wouldn't be able to take the pain and I would want to hurt myself or worse. This whole problem started from my insecurities about myself and her former boyfriend who she had slept with. We have dated for longer and I know that I have treated her much better than he ever did. I felt insecure because she didn't seem to be interested in that kind if relationship with me, but I was also infuriated with that fact that I have to work harder and for a longer time just to get her to trust me. I had to fight with myself not to leave when she told me that she had slept with another man because I used to have incredibly high standards that stemmed from my religious upbringing. I can't tell her that I believe that it is her fault because I don't want to hurt her and I have hurt her enough recently. It is incredibly selfish to say that I am sexually frustrated (I am a 21 year old virgin), but I think that the whole problem stemmed from feeling like I've been cheated after investing more time, money, and emotion that some previous asshole. I didn't want this relationship to be about sex, but now that is all I can think about. I am leaving her place tomorrow and I know that if our relationship ends, that I won't be able to stop myself from giving up on life. Please offer any advice or inspiration that you can, I don't want to give up like this.