Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rachael41, Jul 9, 2008.

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  1. Rachael41

    Rachael41 Well-Known Member

    Iv never been completely honest with anyone in my life? and i mean telling them what makes me want to 2 die...............i think its probably the first step to realisin why i hate everyone so much and i why i wish i wouldnt wake up in the morning..
    Sittin at a computer screen is soo much easier...and so i want to be completely honest with people.......even if its not my real friends, family..im hoping it helps :(

    5yrs ago, my gran died....and my mum was quickly diagnosed with depression..my dad couldnt cope with it and he started gambling...hes now in debts up to £50,000...(hes also recently been diagnosed with depression)..
    My parents have never had a good marriage...it was always filled with shoutiing, fighting, whilst i cried myself to sleep....i started self harming at 13....and have ever since whenever i feel i need to.
    I attempted suicide about 6 months ago..and failed :( :( :( :(........
    About 5 months ago my mum was diagnosed with cancer and told she had a few months to live. 2 weeks later my house burned down in a fire....3 months later my dads depression got worse......and he had to take time off work (to look after my mum and himself)...............hes now been sacked from his job...........
    To top it off, my sister has moved out and i dont c her for months on end..all she cares about is her husband..iv never been close to my dad....i dont c him as a relative......and a few weeks ago..my 2 closest friends betrayed me and made me despise them.........:(......................i feel like i have no1 and its all my fault....maybe i deserve this?.........

    My only proper friend is chris.....:).....but hes suicidial also.....so i suppose thats not a good friendship..im scared if we'r out one night, alone, drinkin? maybe we would do something stupid :(

    NO one needs to reply :) i just wanted to be HONEST for once.....completely honest :)
  2. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Hey Rachel :hug:
    I never went threw such things, but i do know how it like to be alone
    i can imagine how difficult it is for you, and i bet you trying to hold it all inside you like many of us do

    I really trully wish you all the best, i hope you will be strong
    and i hope that even in such difficult times you dont loose hope
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Thank you for sharing with us Rachel. You have been through quite a bit it seems. No wonder you are having troubles dealing with it all. How is your mom now? I hope despite everything, things start to turn around for you. Its hard to find hope in the future when you are so completely overwhelmed with the present. We are here to support you so you don't have to deal with things completely alone. :hug:
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