Being a man, I have bever spoken to anyone about it, ever.
A few years ago, I decided it wasn't a matter of "if", but "when and how"
For a while there it was all I could think about, like something I had to do, but had forgoten, the sort of feeling you get when you come home from the supermarkt, only to realise you forgot to get orange juice, then every morning when you open the fridge and there is no orange juice to drink, you think I must get some tomorrow, or after work, if that makes any sense ?
It was only when the "when and how" became a real tangable thing, when I knew I was realy capable of considering and making such a thing happen, here in the real world, not just as thoughts in my head, that I was able to think clearly about what I was going to do and why.
For me, the knowing of why, was an important step, before that point, I had never really been as totaly and completely honst with myself, as I am now.
So here I am some 5 years later, still struggling, but still here, but at least now I know why I'm here and why I don't really deservse to be exiled to that other place quite just yet.
Its just a pitty this is the only place I can express that honesty.