Hope i'm brave enough.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by UsedToBe, Jan 18, 2012.

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  1. UsedToBe

    UsedToBe Well-Known Member

    So I moved out. I live on my own and enjoy safety at night without having to worry that I'll be abused again...
    I should be happy. Why am I so sad? Crying all day today, can't be bothered to work. I can't take this. I left my kids... Hope they will forget about me soon.

    I had two options:
    a thoughtful and caring one - stay with the kids and my husband. The kids would be happy, my husband would he happy. I would be regularly sexually abused and raped.

    Or

    A totally selfish one - moving out.

    I don't think I deserve to ne happy, but I feel like I exhausted all my coping mechanisms, like the one I imagined I'm a prostitute or the one I imagined I was somewhere else. They stopped working.

    Started drinking a lot recently till I pass out to not to feel anything.

    Both paths I could choose were leading to here. To the end.

    Saturday night I'm not coming back. Hope I have enough courage to do this, because I have not enough courage to live anymore.
     
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Sorry to hear about what you're going through. What you did wasn't selfish, there is only so much one can take before they say enough is enough. No one has the right to sexually abuse or rape anybody else. You can still live a good life and you can still have a happy life with your kids, you just have to work out the best way to do this, taking your life is going to hurt them and destroy them far more than you moving out so I urge you to reconsider.
     
  3. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Option one was not thoughtful and caring, it was foolish and self destructive. Parents always think they are hiding it from the kids, but often the kids know.
    What you did was a good thing, your depression is turning into a bad thing, making you concentrate on the bad effects and ignore the good.
     
  4. UsedToBe

    UsedToBe Well-Known Member

    thank you.
     
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