I'm very ill. I suffer from chronic pain, major seizures, ect. I live in pain constantly. I try hard to cope, the meds & MMJ do help. And now I have an opportunity where in 4 or so minths. With the help of friends. Could have a better and more $ secure future. I should be happy. I should be extited. I feel only misery. Thoughts and plans for ending the suffering. No matter how hard I try, I'm very little help to my friends due to illness. But the accept me anyways. But still, I just want to die. I see nothing in the future where anything is better, the pain will always be prevelant. I know I'm just a burden. That's no pity statement. That's honesty. I should really just save all the trouble of being burdened by me. And just finally end this pain. I honstley just wish I wouldn't wake up. But......, I will, and somehow continue to deal.