I used to find it strange how Asian people would end their lives. Due to their lose of a job/career. But it really is starting to make sense now.When I was 19 I got my first and only job at Ruby Tuesday's. Which my sister basically got me. Cause she had been working there for a long time. I hated it. But I did like the fact I didn't have to interact with anyone much. Everyone there got along very well. Everyone was friends and goofed off. I didn't really fit in with that. I ended up quitting a couple months into it. Now I'm almost 23 and have done nothing. I have applied at many places. And had a couple of interviews. And I just can't do it anymore. I'm tired of anxiety and not having anything to say in social situations. This last interview I had was for washing dishes at a restaurant. About a minute into it the interviewer said, "Well I'm going to end this interview here. Thanks for coming." If I can't even get a job washing dishes. What the hell else can I do? I won't live with my parents the rest of my life. I've always been the guy that screws up a lot. I'm not going to stay alive to suffer the rest of my life. I've got a little hunting rifle that I got when my dad was killed. I've been curious if it would be a 100% guarantee. I've never been suicidal. But I'm just not going to live if I'm going to be a loser the rest of my life. It's been heavy on my mind tonight. I took a shower and thought I'd post something somewhere. Since I would never tell anyone this in a million years.