Hope is gone.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by matt123, Dec 10, 2011.

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  1. matt123

    matt123 New Member

    I used to find it strange how Asian people would end their lives. Due to their lose of a job/career. But it really is starting to make sense now.When I was 19 I got my first and only job at Ruby Tuesday's. Which my sister basically got me. Cause she had been working there for a long time. I hated it. But I did like the fact I didn't have to interact with anyone much. Everyone there got along very well. Everyone was friends and goofed off. I didn't really fit in with that. I ended up quitting a couple months into it.
    Now I'm almost 23 and have done nothing. I have applied at many places. And had a couple of interviews. And I just can't do it anymore. I'm tired of anxiety and not having anything to say in social situations. This last interview I had was for washing dishes at a restaurant. About a minute into it the interviewer said, "Well I'm going to end this interview here. Thanks for coming." If I can't even get a job washing dishes. What the hell else can I do? I won't live with my parents the rest of my life. I've always been the guy that screws up a lot. I'm not going to stay alive to suffer the rest of my life.
    I've got a little hunting rifle that I got when my dad was killed. I've been curious if it would be a 100% guarantee. I've never been suicidal. But I'm just not going to live if I'm going to be a loser the rest of my life. It's been heavy on my mind tonight. I took a shower and thought I'd post something somewhere. Since I would never tell anyone this in a million years.
     
  2. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you're struggling, Matt. I'm so glad you've reached out. Please know that you are among friends, and I am one of them. Like most of us here in SF, I am also struggling, so I obviously don't have all the answers. But what I can do is give you an understanding ear and another perspective. I hope that I can also give you a tiny glimmer of hope. First, know that your struggle to get a job is not uncommon, and not your fault. I think that with so many people desperate to find work, employers like the idiot who cut you off feel that they can eliminate candidates for the most trivial reasons. Maybe you reminded him of a rival, or he didn't like your jacket, or maybe he was having a bad day and just didn't feel like interviewing. Please don't beat yourself up about it (I know... so much easier said than done). If you do think that your interview skills could have been an issue, there are so many resources on the internet to help you improve. It's such a catch-22, because like everyone who has tried and failed to find a job, you're understandably discouraged. And the more discouraged you become, the less enthusiastic you naturally are about the search-interview-repeat process. But I know that if you give yourself a chance, there is hope. And you deserve a chance to be happy, Friend. As for methods... we don't discuss specific methods here in SF, but know that none are guaranteed. I hope that you will consider asking a friend to keep the gun for you until you are feeling less desperate (years ago, I asked my partner to hide her prescription painkillers, and she continues to do so today, which has probably saved my life). It may also be worth looking into seeing a councellor to help you find ways to cope and find happiness again. Meanwhile, please continue to post and participate in SF, and feel free to message me anytime. I care, and I hope you survive.

    Sending hugs and friendship...T :console:
     
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