Hope is lost

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by undecided, Nov 4, 2014.

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  1. undecided

    undecided Antiquitie's Friend

    I'm sitting here alone <mod edit- methods>. I'm completely alone. I've lost all hope. I've been rejected my whole life. When I was a girl, my mother lamented that she wanted to abort me but couldn't scrape up the money in time--she was married to my father when she got pregnant. She let my stepdad rape and torture me for years. They both got away with it. When I grew up, I tried to be a good mother to my children. However, my youngest just moved out without even saying goodbye, and I thought we had a close relationship. I feel so worthless. I have no faith, no hope, and no reason to endure. Everyone will be shocked because they see me as someone who is always happy and smiling. The only thing I'm afraid of is that I won't overdose enough to actually die. What should I do?
     
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  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You should call a crisis line and talk to somebody that can help you get things back in perspective and try to get some help overcoming this depression and coping with your past so you can actually be that happy person your friends and family sees. Things are never as bad as what they seem like they are. There are answers and solutions to problems- it is just a matter of finding them and getting some help and support to find the energy to act on the plans to make things better.


    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
     
  3. undecided

    undecided Antiquitie's Friend

    Thank you, Ben, for responding to my post. I think my primary problem is that the message that I'm unlovable has been pretty consistent throughout my entire life. Every single person who I should expect to be loved by (mother, father, sister, daughter) has rejected me. I don't know how to find a solution to that. The first three were complicit in horrific abuse against me. I've tried to give my daughter a good life and to support her dreams and let her know how loved she is. Yet, she rejected me, too, when she moved out without even saying goodbye. Her rationale was that she didn't want to deal with my disapproval. So, I've either failed as a mother for raising someone so immature and selfish, or she doesn't love me enough to be bothered to say goodbye or let me know she was moving out. She's 19, and I just didn't want her to tie herself down by moving in with her boyfriend and his parents. I wanted her to finish college and be independent--to find herself before she committed to someone else. No one seems to want me, so how can I want myself without any validation from anyone? How can I find self-worth when the overwhelmingly clear message has been that I am simply not worth it?
     
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