Hey:I have had some prettybad things happen to me recently. Really made me think about things ..including myself. Realized some very hard and painful truths by the way ..HOpe...what does it really mean to you??? to me it means always finding something ...something to keep on keeping on. So ...what doyou do when you realize that everything ....everything was either in your head....and not real...or your own fault?? Or maybe you havent gotten to this stage in things yet!!!! I honestly want to be somebody else now or even something else....anything but me. Because i hate myself ...truly hate myself!!! All the things that i thought might still matter is all just an illusion or in my own head!!! So....what do we do when hope is gone and we hve nothing...nothing and are nothing it seems??? I only have one answer for that or to that ...now. It even sounds right now!!! I have tried honestly i have but no matter what i do or dont do i dont fit in anywhere ...never did. All the drugs and booze and whatever...was somehow my hope. Hard to believe but seems without them i have no ...hope ...left ...now.