Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by AfterFact, Jul 23, 2013.

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  1. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    40 days ago, I was hopeless, suicidal and pissed off. I was physically and emotionally drained. I had relapsed for the 4th time after vowing never to get drunk or get high again. I had dropped my sponsor, I had stopped working the steps. I didn't pray, I had no belief in a power greater than myself and I had completely lost sight of what was important in life. I was miserable. I had become so wrapped up in shit I had absolutely no control over that I had forget what I could control, and that was me. I was far down a road that inevitably would have led to jails, institutions and death.
    It was at this point that I had finally had enough of my own self-inflicted misery. I wanted to stay sober and actually be happy for more than a few minutes. The solution that had been right in front of me for the 7 long months since I joined AA soon become my only solution. I surrendered my life to a higher power. I got another sponsor. My problems didn't go away. But I gained hope that things could and would get better if I worked for it. I gained the ability to deal with life on life's terms, to live life through both good times and bad sober because for the first time in years I want to live. I have the potential to have a long and fruitful life if I actually put forth just a little bit of effort toward my recovery. And it worked. I am 40 days sober today. I know that this is only the beginning, that the work has just begun, but so has my life. I was sick and tired of going backwards, of regressing into a state of mind I didn't want to be in. Today I am grateful to be a recovering alcoholic. These past 40 days have been hard, they have been rough, at some points they have been absolutely miserable, but I am okay with that. Because at the end of the day, it's worth it. These past few weeks, I have actually smiled. I have laughed, I have been genuinely happy. I have met wonderful people and I have come to realize that no matter where I am, AA will be there. In Las Vegas at the end of each meeting there is but one word spoken after the Lord's Prayer. "Stay!" Sometimes simple is better.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    So happy hun you are doing so much better Congratulations on your sobriety I like that one word STAY thanks for the update
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Wish I could have gone to your meeting, but know many of us were there in spirit...wishing you everything you want for yourself and more...and yes, there is no instant fix, but regaining one's feeling of worth is priceless
  4. Mayflower7

    Mayflower7 Banned Member

    Hi Afterfact,
    Well done so wonderful to hear, lovely you are progressing. I wish you continued success.
    Take care
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