40 days ago, I was hopeless, suicidal and pissed off. I was physically and emotionally drained. I had relapsed for the 4th time after vowing never to get drunk or get high again. I had dropped my sponsor, I had stopped working the steps. I didn't pray, I had no belief in a power greater than myself and I had completely lost sight of what was important in life. I was miserable. I had become so wrapped up in shit I had absolutely no control over that I had forget what I could control, and that was me. I was far down a road that inevitably would have led to jails, institutions and death. It was at this point that I had finally had enough of my own self-inflicted misery. I wanted to stay sober and actually be happy for more than a few minutes. The solution that had been right in front of me for the 7 long months since I joined AA soon become my only solution. I surrendered my life to a higher power. I got another sponsor. My problems didn't go away. But I gained hope that things could and would get better if I worked for it. I gained the ability to deal with life on life's terms, to live life through both good times and bad sober because for the first time in years I want to live. I have the potential to have a long and fruitful life if I actually put forth just a little bit of effort toward my recovery. And it worked. I am 40 days sober today. I know that this is only the beginning, that the work has just begun, but so has my life. I was sick and tired of going backwards, of regressing into a state of mind I didn't want to be in. Today I am grateful to be a recovering alcoholic. These past 40 days have been hard, they have been rough, at some points they have been absolutely miserable, but I am okay with that. Because at the end of the day, it's worth it. These past few weeks, I have actually smiled. I have laughed, I have been genuinely happy. I have met wonderful people and I have come to realize that no matter where I am, AA will be there. In Las Vegas at the end of each meeting there is but one word spoken after the Lord's Prayer. "Stay!" Sometimes simple is better.