So about a month ago I had an initial appointment at a mental health clinic to see what was wrong with me and I got referred to take part in CBT because the woman concluded it was depression (Not much of a revelation if you ask me) and it would take a few months to get a place. Still no word about it but the waiting list was pretty long so that's to be expected. I don't mind waiting, just the sheer thought of getting some sort of help is keeping me going at least a little bit. The one thing that has been worrying me all year is the thought of getting a job, as in how the heck would I cope in a work environment? So any time I applied for a job I was secretly hoping for no response or rejections even though I made it seem as if I was devastated. The thing is I do technically want a job, if only so that I have something to do and so that I feel like LESS of a burden than I already to (Props to my family though, never once have they made me feel like a burden, that thought is all in my head) but I just don't see myself being able to handle it. So I decided to stop applying for jobs in the field I "want" to work in which was Admin and just focus on jobs that require little to no qualifications. This for the most part didn't make me feel as anxious about getting a job because if I got in and ultimately failed within a job that anyone can get my confidence wouldn't be as low as if I was to fail in an Admin role that required qualifications and an insanely high standard of professionalism. A good thing happened at my weekly Jobcentre appointment. My adviser, who is really great about my situation and hasn't pressured me like most other advisers would, suggested a program that could really be helpful to me. It's a program that will focus on helping me find a job and be tailored around my personal circumstances, so basically me and my mental health will always come first. This is exactly the kind of thing I need, I need to be able to feel that my mental health is more important than getting a job and that taking my time with smaller steps than other people take to getting a job is okay as long as it is helpful to me. I was given a leaflet about how there are a bunch of different people who provide help such as Occupational Psychologists and Therapists and that they will be able to help me as long as I need their help, which includes up to after 6 months from actually getting a job to make sure I'm coping with it. I'm grateful this service exists and this is the first time in a while I could honestly say I feel a sliver of hope for the future. Next week I'm definitely going to tell my adviser that I would like to be referred to this because it would be a great tool for me which will work hand in hand with the CBT I'll be getting in the future.