If I had one wish it would be to be able to live one month pain free. To just have these feeling dissappear so I could get the things done I need to. I wake up everyday not knowing how I am going to feel. Some days are great and others like today, the emotional pain just wipes me out. I met with a new psychologist today who has helped women who have gone through what I am. She talked me into giving her my stash of meds. To be honest, it was a very hard thing to do. For whatever reason it was comforting to have them. They were my way out. She made me promise to turn them in by the end of the day. After I dropped them of I did feel a sense of relief. She was nice enough to call me herself and thanked me for doing so and told me I could call her anytime. Hopefully I will get to continue to see her. Seems like every time I find a good doc something goess wrong. Lack of insurance or money to go back. I am also getting a new therapist who helps women like me. I just need a break. Something to go right. Feeling so very sad tonight and tired . My future seems bleak at this point but I will keep trying.