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Hopefully there will be no tomorrow

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ren, Apr 22, 2011.

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  1. Ren

    Ren New Member

    I'll try to make my story as short as I can:
    I am 26, unemployed (due to the economic crisis), my fiancée whom I have been together with for 3+ years just left me tonight because she just got bored of me.
    I have been a depressive person for many years, attempted suicide once in 2004 I think, when I climbed a mountain alone during winter and wanted to stay in the woods overnight to freeze but I was found by search teams =_=

    My plan for now is to <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>?
    I am not drunk while I am typing this, I am not an impulsive person, I have made peace with myself and I anticipate the moment of my death with happiness.

    My only fear is waking up in the morning or that my reflexes will kick in and I'll <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>.
    Does anyone have any "do"s an "don't"s for me that apply in this situation please?
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    my only don't is... don't do it.

    you just joined! why not stick around for a bit and get to know us.

    many of us have felt exactly how you feel tonight, and have overcome those feelings. you are not alone in this, you have us!

  3. Ren

    Ren New Member

    Meh, as the mods are censoring the methods, there are no real questions about dos and dont's :(

    Sadly I have consumed all the alcohol I have around (3x500ml beer) and I do not feel sleepy enough. I may have to stick around for at least another day and retry it the next night?
    I also still feel lucid enough to take decisions, and to post this in fluent English (I hope?) when it is not my native language.

    Yes, I just joined because I felt of sharing this with anyone, especially strangers, as I don't feel my family would be the one to share this with.
    As I said, this is not an impulsive action, as I thought this through and planned for many months.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

  5. Fuloqwam

    Fuloqwam Member

    Something drew your fiance to you in the first place. You obviously have some redeeming qualities.

    Is "she just got bored of you" the actual reason she left? What a bitch! Seriously, that's her problem, not yours. You'll find someone else, and you'll find another job. Don't give up! You had both things once, you can have them again!

    And your english is very good. I admire that greatly.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome, why did your fiance leave you? did she talk about it to you, was there an argument? please don't do anything rash , stay and get to know us.
  7. Ren

    Ren New Member

    I have decided to try to share all this with a friend of my brother as an attempt to get a face to face opinion. I will do so early this week if he has the time.

    It's not just about the things I had and lost. I have been a depressive person for around 10 years too.
    I still love her and she said she does too, but she doesn't want to continue this because she is becoming an indifferent and sadistic person (that she told me she was before meeting me).

    We had a talk, not an argument. There was neither shouting or bad words. Why did she leave me?
    Well, as she said, I don't really fit into her long term future plans, which are studying then moving abroad, which is 4 years from now.
    We talked about these plans of hers many times before, and I never refused them, but was not as enthusiastic as her about that.

    During the talk last night she was really moody, for example she said she doesn't want to lose me as a friend too and to keep seeing each and asked me if it's ok to call me to go out with her in 2-3 weeks.
    I hesitated to give any answer, later I said that I might try that. Then she got mad because "she showed me kindness and I didn't appreciate it", referring to her offer to stay friends. Basically she got mad because I didn't reply 30 seconds earlier :/
    At the very end of the discussion, before she left, she said that this is the last time I'll see her because she doesn't want to meet me as a friend neither cause she feels obligated by the fact that she promised me to call.
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