I've been depressed for a while, so i started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for meds. i saw them both for about three months, but after my last appointment with my therapist, i felt like she really had no idea how i was feeling, or like she didn't take me seriously. as for my shrink, she pretty much told me she didn't have anymore options(something i've heard all too many times) so i cancelled the rest of my appointments. while i was seeing them that was my only hope for actually being happy again, but now that i quit i feel so hopeless. i've tried like a bazillion meds(as i was depressed all through my teenage years), e.c.t. and nothing has seemed to do the trick.
i feel like i'm at the end of my rope. i think about suicide everyday and have a plan made out... but there is one thing that holds me back... my daughter. i love her to death, and i know that i put her at huge risk for depression and suicide, if i commit suicide. yet everyday that i am alive i feel like i hurt her. i'm always crabby and have a very little patients. i feel like i am always yelling at her. i just can't deal with being a mother right now. i can barely take care of myself muchless a child. i feel like at least if it leave now, my husband will have time to remarry and my daughter will only have a vauge memory of me. my husband may just divorce me before i get to it though. i don't know how he can deal with me everyday, either i am in bed crying, yelling and being insanely crabby, or drinking. i wish he would leave me, then i could just "check out", but he's way too good of a guy. i don't really think that he would leave me. i just can't be here anymore, there really is no hope for me to feel better. i'm just lost and alone and empty!
i feel like i'm at the end of my rope. i think about suicide everyday and have a plan made out... but there is one thing that holds me back... my daughter. i love her to death, and i know that i put her at huge risk for depression and suicide, if i commit suicide. yet everyday that i am alive i feel like i hurt her. i'm always crabby and have a very little patients. i feel like i am always yelling at her. i just can't deal with being a mother right now. i can barely take care of myself muchless a child. i feel like at least if it leave now, my husband will have time to remarry and my daughter will only have a vauge memory of me. my husband may just divorce me before i get to it though. i don't know how he can deal with me everyday, either i am in bed crying, yelling and being insanely crabby, or drinking. i wish he would leave me, then i could just "check out", but he's way too good of a guy. i don't really think that he would leave me. i just can't be here anymore, there really is no hope for me to feel better. i'm just lost and alone and empty!
