I am new to the board but not new to these feelings of suicidal ideation. it seems to get worse as Christmas approaches. My dad has dementia I am his main caregiver. I have no significant other to support me on a day to day basis although I do have a sister who lives close by. I just feel alone and lost this time of year when families are all together and couples are every where. I have had life long recurrent depression and living with my dad has just made it worse since he has gotten sicker. I told my sister that I will not be able to care for him when he gets really bad, so she will have to take him to live with her or we need to put him in residential care. I have no money to buy Christmas presents this year since I've been out of work since April. Sis wants us to come over for Christmas Eve dinner but I am not in the mood to celebrate or put on an act that everything is fine. Hopefully my dad will go without me so I can have some private time. I loved Christmas as a kid but I hate it now. I am on day 2 of a migraine and the medication I take knocks me out. Wish I could just sleep until Christmas is over. I am not in any danger now and will call a hotline if it gets that bad. Thanks for listening.