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Hopeless and feeling alone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cathyr, Dec 23, 2010.

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  1. cathyr

    cathyr Member & Antiquities Friend

    I am new to the board but not new to these feelings of suicidal ideation. it seems to get worse as Christmas approaches. My dad has dementia I am his main caregiver. I have no significant other to support me on a day to day basis although I do have a sister who lives close by. I just feel alone and lost this time of year when families are all together and couples are every where. :(

    I have had life long recurrent depression and living with my dad has just made it worse since he has gotten sicker. I told my sister that I will not be able to care for him when he gets really bad, so she will have to take him to live with her or we need to put him in residential care.

    I have no money to buy Christmas presents this year since I've been out of work since April. Sis wants us to come over for Christmas Eve dinner but I am not in the mood to celebrate or put on an act that everything is fine. Hopefully my dad will go without me so I can have some private time.

    I loved Christmas as a kid but I hate it now. I am on day 2 of a migraine and the medication I take knocks me out. Wish I could just sleep until Christmas is over. I am not in any danger now and will call a hotline if it gets that bad.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    First of all, welcome! We are glad you've come to join us here.

    I, too, feel the pain of lifelong depression so I can sort of understand your direction in that sense. You must be an unbelievably strong person and I know that because:
    1) You came here to post and ask for support instead of giving up. Giving up is easy, making an effort is hard.
    2) You are someone's primary caregiver. That shows serious strength and kindness of spirit.
    3) You will call a hotline if you feel yourself slipping. That means you want to stay here on this planet and I am so glad for that.

    The holidays can seriously get to anyone. Just keep posting here, join us in chat, there are lots of people to support you and ways to get support here. *many hugs* We are so glad you're here!!

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I understand how hard it is being a carer how drained you can get. Ask you sister to come get your father for awhile so you can have some time for just you to rest to not think of anyone but yourself. I hope you are taking care of your depression as well with medication it does give you that energy you need to face each day with. take care okay hugs.:heart:
  4. cathyr

    cathyr Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thank you for responding, I appreciate it.

    I did call a hotline before and it helped a little. It won't help the underlying problems which is my mood swings and the frequent passive ideations. I do have a tdoc and pdoc but am frustrated with my meds. My pdoc did tell me that I am medication resistant but we are working on a way for me to get stable. Trouble is, I want to be stable right now! I basically need to stay alive because of my father and the holidays are doing a number on me this year.
  5. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Do not fret Cathyr,I have no money to buy presents either,but look at it this way,we are only a day ahead of everyone else in having empty pockets. ;)

    Could you imagine having to go Christmas shopping in order to become penniless?!? :irony:

    Have you though of contacting a network that supports carers?

    Anyway,I hope that despite everything you have a lovely Christmas.

    Not many people are strong enough to stick around in your situatuion.
    Even those with stuffed wallets crumble in a short space of time when faced with the kind to the responsibility you have taken on.

    You have shown great strength and and admirable loyalty. :)
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Cathy. Sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. You're doing something very noble by taking care of your father, while he is suffering from dementia. I hope that doesn't happen to my dad when he is older, but if it does, I'll have to take care of him too. Maybe you and your sister can share the responsibility of taking care of him so that it doesnt get too difficult for you? :hug:
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