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Hopeless Despair

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by fallingangie, Jan 10, 2011.

  1. fallingangie

    fallingangie Well-Known Member

    This never ending feeling just wont let go off my back. Its terrible.. i dont know if its me or is my life really that bad.

    I keep having these thoughts of which i have no proof.. and it kills me to think that these thoughts can be for real. I know i dont make any sense right now.. i dont know what i m saying.

    Quite a bit of shit happened in my life and i have been living with it for 2 yrs now.. n the worst part is i could not investigate the matters to the fullest in order to find out who had a hand behind all the problems that i dealt with. Hence, the insecurity developed.. i keep guessing so many bad things that might hav happened.

    I am in london now.. with the opportunity to start over new.. i have got my sister to help me out even! but this hopeless despair and endless fear and selfguilt is causing me to remain blind to the chance. I feel as though i dont deserve this opportunity.. i dont deserve my familys love.. i should just go back to my home country.. stay locked inside my room for ages till i finally make the guts to kill myself.

    I feel so bad right now... wish i was neva born
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad your sister is looking out for you. Have you tried seeing a therapist about your feeling your emotions to see what is causing this despair If you can call your regular doctor even and maybe get on some medication to help with the depression you are feeling It is good to have family support around you but it sounds like you need professional help as well. hugs
  3. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    I'm glad to hear you have your sisters support, because you are in the UK, you can get free therapy, do you get counselling to help and support you at all? How old are you? There are many ways you can get support with your emotions, maybe check out Samaritans they help people in distress and may help you, how would you feel about that? :hug: x
  4. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    Hi fallingangie,

    I hear you hun, and wanted to let you know that I empathise. I'm in the UK having left my home country too, and I find it really difficult sometimes to be so far from the people that know me the best. But I know that my friends and family love me, and you deserve your family's love also. Your sister sounds really supportive, does she know how you're feeling?

    It's really hard to start over, and the thing I learnt that running away didn't solve my problems. So instead of running back to Australia (like I desperately feel the urge to do) I'm remaining here to figure them out. Otherwise they're going to follow me country to country and soon I'll run out of countries :) I think it's natural that you would be filled with insecurities after starting anew, but it WILL pass when you get a bit more settled - please trust me on that one.

    Hopefully as was suggested, you can take advantage of the free healthcare here - I certainly am!

    I also hope you're able to let go of whatever it was that happened that you couldn't investigate. You're in London now, try to draw a line under whatever it was that's happened, realise that you can make yourself happy by doing things here, keep yourself occupied and forget about it - it's in another place and time.

  5. fallingangie

    fallingangie Well-Known Member

    thanx for all the support! i really appreciate it! just one question though....
    u guys mentioned that i can get free counselling here in Uk. Well, currently I am living in Coventry and I m not a citizen of this place.. im actually here on tourist visa ... so where do i have to go to get this help?? can someone plz say