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Hopeless...when the pain wont go away...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by drowning.mermaid, May 20, 2008.

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  1. On the 23rd of May it will be two years since my mum killed herself and 5 months and 2 day since my dad lost his battle with cancer.

    I don't know that I can make it through another anniversary. I know it's just another day but it's also a reminder of how long I've felt this bad, and how little the feelings have changed.

    I thought I felt bad before she died but since then I've felt completely hopeless and losing my dad just added to that.

    Atleast when I was depressed before this happened I could tell myself life hadn't been that bad, I just felt bad and I just had to wait for it to get better. Now I know the things that make me feel bad arn't going away. I won't feel better and I will never have my parents back.

    Theres a whole lot of guilt I need to get rid of and a whole lot of pain I can't stand.

    I see a therapist and I know the dbt skills but I don't see the point. I don't want to pretend things are alright when i hurt so much. I don't want to keep putting stress on my partner. I don't want to feel so weighed down no matter how happy or enjoyable something is.

    I want to hurt physically then I want everything to stop.

    Sometimes I think if I did it on the 23rd it would be easier for my family. Keep it to one day of mourning...

    I don't want to make it to that day. I never want the sun to rise.
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    sorry for the pain you are feeling, the guilt you feel is natural you have lost two very dear people to you and missing them is hard.
    i think your parents would like you to carry on and make a go of your life rather than end it to be with them.
    living would be a testament to who they were and to your love you have for them.

    take just one day at a time

    stay safe
  3. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    Try to live form your parents.

    Imagine how bad they would feel if you passed on.

    Are there more people who you can lean on for support?
  4. I don't want to keep leaning on people. I don't want to keep adding stress to peoples life. It's not up to the people around me to look after. If I can't keep myself together I'm better off dead.
  5. freggbajjt.

    freggbajjt. New Member

    Fuck him.
    take a day at a time.
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