Hopeless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Butterfly, Sep 6, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I am just feeling so completely and utterly hopeless. I feel so alone. My thoughts are racing and I've bee hallucinating again. I don't know what to do :/
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Here if you need anything. Would talking out the racing thoughts help at all?
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your not alone hun ok if the hallucinations continue call your doc ok hun hugs
     
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I don't really understand them. I feel like my head is a detuned radio. Random words colliding. This feeling that I need to save the world from suicide single handedly is going to drive me insane. My thoughts are racing and my body is not fast enough to catch up with them and it ends in me doing nothing yet getting irritated, angry and frustrated. It becomes counter productive. I get so much energy that I don't know what to do with so then I end up doing nothing cause I have about 5 things in my head I need to do at once. Then I get so mad. so mad that my only option is to sit in silence for hours because I know one slight thing is going to trigger a rage.
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    In some way, I know where you're coming from. There are times my brain will overload with all the things I need to do, both on the site and off... and it gets to the point where there's so much going through my head that I end up doing nothing because it gets to be too overwhelming or intimidating. I know it's not exactly what you're dealing with, but in some small way, I can relate. It's so frustrating and ends up making you angry.
     
  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I know. It's going from bad to worse. I can feel it all building up. I've just driven all the way to Matlock to pick fiancé up from work, only to sit in my car for half an hour waiting for him, for him to come running out to my car and telling me they had a last minute booking and that he's got to stay till 9. It's not his fault, but I am this close to blowing up. Cause I'll have to trek all the way out there because he'll have no way of getting home at that time of night. I was supposed to be meeting my friends at 9 for some well deserved wind down time but now I'm gonna be late so my mood is even worse. I just feel like I could cry with rage. One more thing and it will be a trashed house and no doubt cause some sort of injury for me. I don't want to be like this, I hate it, it's not me, I'm not an angry or violent person but I don't know what else to do.
     
  7. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I'm going to run myself a bath to see if it helps any. I really feel like I could hit crisis point tonight and I don't want that, I don't want things to get ugly.
     
  8. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Everything got too much. Cuts everywhere. I managed to see my friend though and I had a good time. But of course I have been drinking and now I feel like a fucking idiot.
     
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're not an idiot!! :hug: I'm glad you got to see your friend, hopefully that provided you with some relief.
     
  10. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    I hope you can have a better day and be anger free , I can identify with the mind racing and the cutting and the anger, hope you can find some peace.
     
  11. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I feel like one though :( Seeing my friend was good, and it did help a little. I still don't feel great though. Think it's gonna be a trip to the GP Monday (I will actually make the appointment this time) because I need something to calm me down. I feel very irrational. I'm aware of it at the moment, but I'm scared there will be a point where I won't realise and I will do something stupid.
     
  12. PsychBuzz

    PsychBuzz Member

    Don't be afraid to take risks. Otherwise, you'll risk more.
    So take one small step in front of the other. Every day.
     
  13. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I've just gotten so agitated I broke down crying. I feel really unwell.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.