Hopeless....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brknsilence, Nov 5, 2015.

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  1. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Just frustrated that the eating disorder is still an issue. I'm tired of being this way. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of thinking I have to restrict all the time and everything with this disorder. I'm so exhausted in fighting. Why does this seem I will never break free from this. I can't eat without thinking I've eaten too much. I can't eat with out my thoughts telling me it's forbidden. I eat because others want me to, but yet, I'm so unhappy. I hate how I look. I hate being this way. I just feel so hopeless.... and the thoughts has been there for awhile now.... I'm so sick of being this way
     
  2. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    Hey Olivia, I'm sorry your still feeling this way and I'm sorry that I don't have the proper advice to give you, but all I can say is to try to treat yourself the way you would a friend who had any kind of disorder. Recognize that this is an illness you have, not a character flaw. You are a good person suffering from a disease but there is nothing wrong with you. Please keep reaching out, we all really care about you Olivia:)
     
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  3. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for being there and listening. I feel like I'm burdening everyone. I'm so sorry about all this. I hope you're doing well. I just wish I wasn't like this... hugs
     
  4. happytotalk

    happytotalk Member

    Hey Olivia my name's Rebecca. Thank you for sharing how you're feeling on here, I can't claim to know how you feel as I don't have the illness, but I've grown up with someone who does. I've said this a few times already on here but she is honestly the best person I have ever met and I have so much respect for her. It's no easy feat, but please remember you most certainly are not hopeless and the fact you have come this far proves that. Part of the battle is definitely accepting this is a part of you as robroy said and not being afraid of the stigma of having an eating disorder - everybody has their own demons so there is absolutely no reason for you to be ashamed or feel silenced about yours.

    Once you've accepted it, another door opens and you can then move on to learning how to cope with the illness which should make things much much more manageable. I'm not being naive here - I won't promise everything will be dandy after that, you'll still have steps back every now and again but it will be more a case of one step back then two steps forward instead of the other way around. And things will gradually keep getting better, I think a lot of patience is involved which I'm sure you know more about than I do!! You're probably a master of patience already :)

    Have you got someone you can talk to who is supporting you along the way?

    Look forward to hearing back :) xx
     
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  5. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks-my husband is there trying to support me. I hate worrying him and burdening him with it. Maybe why I haven't said much about it to him when I need to. Just needing to work on it. Thanks
     
  6. happytotalk

    happytotalk Member

    That's lovely to hear that you have your husband. As somebody speaking from the other side of things, when it comes to the people I love - the thought of them not telling me the extent of how they're feeling because they are afraid of burdening me breaks my heart. Saying that I can also imagine though if I were in your position I would probably feel the same way as well. Endless circle haha!

    When you feel ready to please do have a more in depth chat with him. The worst thing is to let yourself be alone. There will eventually be a time when your husband needs you to be that person to listen and understand him as well, and I'm sure you'd hate the thought of him having to face anything difficult alone as well. It's a two way thing. You don't need to feel guilty :)
     
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  7. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks-He was going through something difficult at work the other day. He vented to me for over an hour, which I didn't mind at all. I just wish I could fix the situation but I can't. I just hope everything goes well.

    We both had talks in the past that at times we feel we can't talk to each other about certain things. We're trying to work on that where we're needing to share our burdens with each other. Just hard when mine is the same stuff over and over again. I'm just getting tired of dealing with my situations.

    Sorry, I'm like this...
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi hun I'm really sorry you are going through this it can't be nice, getting counselling would probably improve your chances of recovery by a lot. You don't have to fight this illness alone. I have no personal experience but hope you find the right supports to help you. Big hugs x
     
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  9. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks-me too....hope you're doing well.
     
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