Hopeless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brknsilence, Jan 9, 2016.

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  1. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I had or still has an appointment to start seeing a therapist and Dr on the 12th to do an evaluation to get the process going. I informed my husband for weeks so he can also inform his work he needs to have that day off so he can watch the kids so I can go to the appointment just to find out this evening that he now has to work that day. I honestly don't know if my husband is really try, or lack of effort to getting that day off, or his work is like some work places that could careless about families health issues that is priority.. I been so upset... i don't really have anyone to watch the kids. If I can't get someone or for some miracle,his work mistakenly put him down that day and gives him the day off, I may have no other choice to reschedule which will throw me off for another month or so to start seeing someone. I feel so hopeless that I'll ever get seen. Twice already I had tried doing a walk in which didn't work. Then this..... I keep thinking "Whatever " Just don't even want to try anymore. And a part of me just want to die and disappear . Apparently, I don't matter anymore. Sorry, venting ... so exhausted.. hope this made sense - so tired and sleepy..
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hiya, how many kids are there? Maybe you could tell the doctor and therapist ahead of time that you need to bring the kids with you. They should understand. Sorry you are feeling so hopeless, I hope it was a mistake and that he does have that day off. Is there anything I can do to help you feel better? ((big hugs))
     
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  3. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You do matter and you don't need to disappear. You're doing great just don't let it all get to you at once, take it in small steps. Does your husband fully understand what you are going through right now? Maybe it's possible he's just needed on that day. If he can't take the time off is there someone close to you that you trust? Family or friend maybe who could look after the kids while you go to your appointment. Another option, if you're okay with it is to hire a babysitter for a few hours. I'm sure you will make it to your appointment on the 12th. I really hope you do.
     
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  4. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    We have 4 children. My husband understands how badly I need to go. We talk more this morning about it. I'll talk to my neighbor and check with them, if they can't, I'll check with a friend of ours tomorrow at church, if I can't find anyone by Monday morning - I'll reschedule. I would take the kids with me but I won't be able to focus on the evaluation 100% when I need to. It maybe a couple of months for the next appointment but in the meantime I'll keep trying to do the walkin evaluation until I can see someone when my husband gets off those days. I can't really hire a babysitter since we are so tight financially but will try what I can. Just frustrated with all this. Hoping soon, I can get things going on seeing someone. Just really irritated that all this is going on. Just upsetting when I'm struggling and a friend of mine tells me I'm not really trying to get help. She wants me admitted but I can't go back inpatient since my kids needs me here at home. I just wish these stupid thoughts and urges would leave my head.
     
  5. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone for being there. I'm glad you're all here. Just great having a place to go to vent
     
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  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again hun, I hope your husband can get the day off or you can get a friend to look after the kids. I REALLY hope you can get this done because you've been waiting ages and you will have another wait if you don't. Do what you have to to make the appointment. We're here for you too :)
     
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  7. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks - I'm actually thinking I may just take the kids with me. I don't want to, I hate to bring them with me to the appointment, but I really don't want to wait longer to see someone. I'll try to bring the kids something to do. I just hope they'll sit and do the activity I bring so I can focus on the evaluation. I just hope that works. I feel like crying right now. Just dreading all this...
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Can you ring them beforehand (the psych place) and tell them you have no choice but to bring your children and they might be able to accommodate you, you can't be the only person in this situation. Big hugs!
     
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  9. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I just hope someone can watch them. Sorry, I feel so depressed....
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You don't need to be sorry, it's okay, we care. Wishing you the best of luck.
     
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  11. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

  12. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Something at home happened.... Just feel like disappearing... I just hope I handled the situation right. Kids I don't really know took off with one of my neighbors kid tractors. I went after them and told them that taking something that isn't theirs is wrong and if I catch them again in my neighbors yard taking stuff, I'll talk to their parents. Honestly, I'm scared to talk to them...
     
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I would just leave it be hun, it's up to the owners to tell their parents if needed. You did handle it right by telling them what they were doing isn't acceptable behaviour, good job hun :) Maybe you can tell the owner what is going on if they aren't aware but don't worry you did the right thing :)
     
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  14. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks - my neighbors aren't home. When they do come home I will talk to them. I don't know why but scared the kids parents are going to knock on my door. I hate it when I feel and think this way. Honestly, I'm scared of people. :(
     
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    no need to be scared. you didn't do anything wrong only trying to protect their property. i know you are a worrier but trust me you will be fine! i hope you have a nice evening :) x
     
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  16. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much - How are you doing?
     
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am doing good hun, keeping myself busy with volunteering, my diet and exercise and getting things done productively! Also helping people helps me, if I can ease their burden a little then I am happy. Big hugs!
     
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  18. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    That's good :) Thanks for being there :)

    I told my neighbors :) They got home. They agree if I catch the kids again stealing stuff then I'm telling their parents, the next time after that is the police. :/
     
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  19. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are welcome! See, there was nothing to worry about hun. You did the right thing and people that do the right thing for friends and neighbours are far and few, you're a smart and good cookie! Good luck with everything and know I am always here for you! :)
     
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  20. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks Hugs
     
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