When you have no self esteem and generally just feel awful anything can push you over the edge. I feel like that, like anything could cause me to explode any moment. When the girl I love talks about who she likes I pretend not to care but it kills me that I'm not good enough, I'm scared this pain will one day be enough to push me over. I try medication, distraction, strategies but truthfully I don't care. I don't want to take more pills, read a book or go for a walk- I want to die.