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Hopeless

Marga

Well-Known Member
#1
Hi everyone, I just need to share a sad moment that I find difficult to cope with. I keep having difficulty with partner relationships and another one right now. I kept seeing this guy for more than a year. It was quite nice, we had a lot in common. But I am already in an age when I would like something serious and should be fast thinking about having children if I want to make it in time. So when I started to raise these questions (carefully)I realised he wasn't too keen on this and also I noticed he never invited me anywhere with his friends and a few times treated me more as a friend than a girlfriend in front of them. I started to tell him he should make our relashionship "public". To which he said we should rather be friends than that. It's very painful and I don't know what to do because I love him a lot. I've had tgat repeatedly that gyus want just something casual. They always say they are not ready. I am wondering whether I made a mistake by allowing him to keep the relationship secret. We have some common aquaintainces and I never mentioned to them that we were dating. I am wondering whether I should do that now. And in general I feel like I must be a completely awful or uninteresting person when none wants to stay with me a in a serious relationship. While I am not ugly, I have a job, hobbies, do sports, can and like to cook (and would love to cook for my partner and family), and I did several years of psychotherapy to be mentally and emotionally ok, I keep reading about how to have good relationships. I don't know what's wrong. I feel so sad and a complete failure. Sorry for such a long post. :-(((((
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
I'm sorry that happened. That's hurtful of him to lead you on like that. You deserve better than that. There are plenty of men out there who want a real relationship. *hug
 

Marga

Well-Known Member
#3
The truth is I have just realised that I am probably unattractive. I have normal body shape, normal face, you wouldn't see anything straight strange on me, but just probably unatractive. There will never be love for me.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#4
I doubt you are unattractive. And whether you are attractive or not wouldn't determine if you will find love. Try not to let this guy determine how you think about yourself. This isn't your fault.
 

Marga

Well-Known Member
#5
Thank you for your words, sinking ship, I know that's what is said in these situations. I just can't take this anymore. This has happened way too many times to me and I also loved this guy too much. I don't think there is love for me. I don't even want it. And I don't think he is determining how I think about myself, just confirming it. More than 5 years of therapy don't seem to have helped. I know this will sound stupid and childish probably. Maybe it will pass. Sorry for not being more receptive to your words which are,I know, very wise and well-meant. I don't want to waste your effort. Thank you so much for having taken the time to read my answer and react to it. I am just not feeling well right now. But I am so glad I can write here.
 

neutralbuoyancy

stuck in place yet again
#9
hold on, you do sports, can cook, pretty emotionally doing well, and have a job? im sorry i think you might be dating in the wrong place, cause all these people who you were with before bust be blind not to see your beauty may be, don't keep relationship a secret? this is the best advice i can give u
 

MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
#10
The truth is I have just realised that I am probably unattractive. I have normal body shape, normal face, you wouldn't see anything straight strange on me, but just probably unatractive. There will never be love for me.
You are a beautiful woman. I feel it in your writing. You are very attractive. Men want to be with you, to hear you laugh.

You are young now. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Don't let scum people like your current boyfriend keep you down. Look at him; he does not want to get married, does not even want people to know you are his girlfriend, and does not want children. That is a terrible person; it is not your fault, it is him. He is a terrible person. You are better off on your own. I know loneliness, I have been alone now for 5 years, and in some ways it sucks. In other ways it is a blessing; I can do what I want, I don't have to accommodate another person. If you are just yourself, get out and do things, you will eventually find the right man for you. A man that will be proud to call you his wife. A man that will love his children and play with them. A man that will love you with passion.

I highly reccommend the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. It will change your life.
https://www.amazon.com/Captivating-...1601201708&sprefix=captivating,aps,814&sr=8-2
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#11
Hi Marga,
I learned that dating for marriage is a job. There are some people that do not want to get married. If you do, then need to move on from this guy. Secondly, need to meet people with the same agenda as you. So look for men looking to get married. Third, a lot of people say they settled to not be alone. I think most do and that is not bad, it is life. I think you need to be careful what you settleon. Don’t settle on abuse in any form. Might settle on mutual interests or neatnes or looks . . .
Good luck
 

Marga

Well-Known Member
#12
You are a beautiful woman. I feel it in your writing. You are very attractive. Men want to be with you, to hear you laugh.

You are young now. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Don't let scum people like your current boyfriend keep you down. Look at him; he does not want to get married, does not even want people to know you are his girlfriend, and does not want children. That is a terrible person; it is not your fault, it is him. He is a terrible person. You are better off on your own. I know loneliness, I have been alone now for 5 years, and in some ways it sucks. In other ways it is a blessing; I can do what I want, I don't have to accommodate another person. If you are just yourself, get out and do things, you will eventually find the right man for you. A man that will be proud to call you his wife. A man that will love his children and play with them. A man that will love you with passion.

I highly reccommend the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. It will change your life.
https://www.amazon.com/Captivating-Revised-Updated-Unveiling-Mystery/dp/1400200385/ref=sr_1_2?crid=U2ZWVQ4L66SW&dchild=1&keywords=captivating+by+john+and+stasi+eldredge&qid=1601201708&sprefix=captivating,aps,814&sr=8-2
Thank you. Very nice of you to say this.😊
 

Marga

Well-Known Member
#13
hold on, you do sports, can cook, pretty emotionally doing well, and have a job? im sorry i think you might be dating in the wrong place, cause all these people who you were with before bust be blind not to see your beauty may be, don't keep relationship a secret? this is the best advice i can give u
Thank you
 

Marga

Well-Known Member
#15
I had another discussion with the guy and he definitively doesn't want to continue the relationship. Saying the usual "sorry, you are great, hope you find someone better", but also "sorry, life is like this". Life is not like this, it's how people behave and what they do, life is how people make it. But this sucks. I have had this happen to me repeatedly and then I guess the common denominative is me. I don't know why this keeps hapenning. It sucks you always lose people from your life. And they don't care losing you. So why did they start the relationship in the first place? I find this cruel. People have such high demands. You don't meet certain standards they have and you are a complete nothing to them. And I don't know what I am doing wrong.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#17
Most relationships end. It's not always the case that anyone does anything 'wrong'. People just grow apart, or priorities change.
 

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