Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by arielle, Dec 23, 2009.

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  1. arielle

    arielle Member

    I had a plan. I had goals in life. I did everything I was supposed to do. I'm an honest and good nature person who volunteered to help others, who gave when I could.... who did everything I had always been taught I should. In life though...it didn't get me very far.

    My contract ends Dec 31st. I've had horrible sleep the past month worrying over it and today the new company that won the contract gave me their offer.

    20k pay cut.

    $20,000 less than what I was making last year.

    That's the income of a whole different person. They gutted my income, they gutted my life and pulled out the last few strands I had left.

    I'm going to lose my house.
    I'm going to lose everything.

    I'm going to have to move back in with my mother at an age I should be secure and self-sufficient.

    Why? Because the government is stupid and wrote the contract up wrong so the company lowballed bid it and the government gave it to them because they were like "Oh look! Company X says they can save us money!" not realizing all the people they hurt in the process. Themselves and the people who have bent over backwards going above and beyond to make them happy and everything to work out.

    I can't even cry anymore I don't even care. I've already cancelled my Christmas.... I can't even afford food. I have $7 to last me until the end of the year and the only thing I have that's edible in my house are 2 packages of ramen noodles, 1 box of mac & cheese, 2 cans of soup and some mayonase. I've already gone threw everything I had that was frozen...all the stuff folks had gifted me over the past two horrible months....

    Most people advance in their careers through bounds of small raises. I've gone downhill the past few jobs and it just keeps getting worse.

    Folks say there'll be a tomorrow. That things will get better. Well... I'm still waiting. A year has gone by and I have suffered.... I can't even afford to go to the doctor despite being in constant pain and I don't even care anymore.

    Maybe I can give someone else a Merry Christmas. You see I'm an organ doner...maybe I could save a few lives. I can't take drugs because that'll hurt the organs and <mod edit: *sparkle*: methods>
    I used to say I was too strong to even think these things but I guess it's true.... a person can only take so much pain.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2009
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm so sorry that all this is happening. I know how horrible the holidays are when you have no money or hope.

    But you do have here. Please keep reaching out and letting others help any way we can. Sometimes just being heard can make a world of difference. You arent done yet.... you found here and that's a start.
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    wow I'm so sorry this is happening to you...<mod edit: *sparkle* : methods> ...wait and see...maybe things will get better...moving back with parents isnt such a bad idea until you get all settled and your job is better...maybe you can look for another job? A better paying job?

    things like that happens to the best of us...don't give up...

    as for the food, is there a food bank near by or a place where they give out food? That could be helpful for a while...I wish I could help you more...
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2009
  4. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    That's horrible. Please don't though! If you don't give it a chance to get better it will NOT get better. Give it a chance.
    It was not your fault, it was the government, your mom should understand, move in with her, she can help you get back to your feet, that is what FAMILY is for. Then you can find a new company, a new job, get back on your own feet. You are doing this way too quick, give things a fucking chance, I'm not saying things WILL change, but things CAN change, don't lose faith, please.
  5. orangejulius

    orangejulius Well-Known Member

    Just when things look darkest, the world can open up and be a bright place again. You are a good person and the world needs a billion more of you. Don't leave us, and don't give up.

    It isn't so bad living with your mother, is it? Don't let pride prevent you from doing what is best for you. There are also a lot of places that give out food... Most grocery stores give away food that is at or near the expiration date, even though the food may be good for months after. And don't turn down any offers of help. If you feel indebted, you can always pay them back when you are on your feet again.

    We are all here to talk with you. I hope everything works out for you! :hugtackles:
  6. arielle

    arielle Member

    I told my boyfriend about my suicidal thoughts.

    He's had them too. He says he feels like a burden to me and that I'd be better off if I was alone. I told him he was stupid...that he's my rock and I would surely not be able to cope without him. That we need each other to get through this right now.

    We held each other and we cried. Then we joked about going out into the middle of the woods, building a shack and living there until the world forgot about us.
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