Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Emilyz, Mar 21, 2010.

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  1. Emilyz

    Emilyz New Member

    I don't know what to do anymore, or where else to go. My social anxiety has gotten so severe that I don't feel human most of the time. I'm 24 years old and I live with my parents, I feel like a child. I have too much anxiety to learn to drive, I can't get a real job, I lost all of my friends from high school because I couldn't keep in touch with them. Making phone calls terrifies me, I don't think I've made a phone call in five years. Sometimes I don't leave the house for weeks at a time, I've literally become a prisoner in my own home. I have no one to push me, my parents seem to like me being this way and it's just made my disorder that much worse.

    I've let it completely ruin my life. I really can't afford therapy, and I don't want to depend on medication. I've been trying to read self-help books and taking vitamin supplements that I ordered online but it's like every time I feel better for a few days the depression just comes back stronger than before. It's like reality came crashing down on me these past couple months, I had avoided dealing with the reality of my situation effectively for a long time and most of the emotions associated with it...but now, there's just raw emotion and I feel so utterly alone, I am constantly crying or feeling like I'm going to if anyone says the slightest thing to upset me.

    I don't know how to keep going anymore. Suicide has become like a fantasy for me, I think about it constantly but I know I can't hurt my family like that, but I think all the time if anything happened to my parents that I would do it without hesitation, and that knowledge terrifies me. Even now, I feel like the fear of hurting them is becoming less and less as the depression is taking me over.

    I just don't know what to do anymore, and I need to know there are people out there who can relate to what I'm going through. I feel so alone in this.
  2. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    you are most certainly not alone. we are all here for you, and i am even stuck at home in a situation sort of similar to yours. feel free to pm me if you want to chat outside of posting *hugs*
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...why do you reject medication? There are some fairly effective drugs for anxiety on the market and I would hate you to have to suffer...please reconsider this decision...welcome again, J
  4. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Hi Emilyz. :)

    I had HUGE anxiety problems in the past. Had them to the point I couldn't work and had become somewhat of a recluse. But I got through and have been doing just fine for many years now. It's tough to beat but it's very much possible. I believe you'll succeed in doing so if you approach it the right way.

    One technique that helped me is this one: do the opposite of what you're feelings tell you when you get anxious. For instance, when you're afraid of picking up the phone, do so anyway. But start slowly, doing it once and then gradually doing it more often. Going cold turkey would be very hard as it's kind of like running away from a giant magnet whilst being in a metal suit; you're not likely to succeed. But if you start slowly, you'll gradually get more used to certain things and you'll eventually eliminate all fear.

    Good luck.
  5. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Here's a good comparison: people with anxieties are sitting in a train. And they think this train is moving really fast so they don't wanna get off because they think they'll hurt themselves. But in fact, it's standing still. It's just that from their point of view, it's totally believeable to them that it's going really fast, so it's understandable that they're reluctant to get off.

    But if they were to get off, they'd in fact be just fine. The train moving really fast is just an illusion, you see?

    People who see those sitting unhappily in trains think "Why on earth is that person not getting off? There's no reason not to...?". And the people in the trains would think that themselves as well, if they were to look at themselves from a different point of view.

    It's kind of like a character said in a popular videogame:

    "In my reflection I see my own folly. My chains are broken and I am free."

    Good luck!
  6. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    I believe medication can help relieve some fear but I also believe taking them is solely fighting symptoms, not solving the problem.

    I got rid of my anxieties without medication, too.
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