Hopeless

[Mulder]

I feel stupid writing this down because when I think about what I am going to write it all seems so stupid to me. I work with my father over a year ago the business was struggling and I took a pay cut to keep the business going it was about 75% of what I earned. I had been living with my long term girlfriend 12 years we had been together, because I was earning less my girlfriend who's a nurse took more shifts, I became depressed, run down, and took to self harm because I felt so worthless not being able to support her. We argued and in the end I split up with her because I could see what I was doing to her, I'll never forget that look in her eyes, she wanted to help me but I felt like I would drag her down. She said that she would not move on, I had to move back home, I now spend most of my time in a bedroom, I have very few friends three to be truthful and I don't get to see them often. It took my ex a little over three weeks to find someone else and move on, I've tried to date but because I live at home and have no money, I feel I have nothing to offer. I am happy that my ex has found someone and is happy the trouble is I made the decision to leave because I thought it was the best thing to do, but the truth is I am lonely, I have nothing, nothing to offer anyone, the more time that passed the lonelier I get. I never thought doing what I thought was right and it was because she is happy that so much sadness would come from it. Life seems so hopeless and pointless, why I bother I don't know work 40 - 50 hours a week for hardly any money, stay in, no friends I talk to my family and they told me I made the decision I have to live with it. All I want is the pain and disappointment to go away, i've tried so many things but in the end I hate every minute of my life.

 

[total eclipse]

time to get some help okay to get you moving again Call your gp get on some med to help alleviate you depression so you can get out and meet new people

 

[may71]

if there was some way you could patch things up with your ex gf that would be good. even just being able to be friends would be good.

 

[Mulder]

Thank you for your replies, I know what you say is right time to move on but I find it hard I don't really go out because of low self esteem I see myself as more of a burden to people and have nothing to contribute.