I Relized today out of all the feelings and crazed thoughts i have that hopelessness is the worst feeling i have. Im scared to death of commiting suicde cause they say you go to hell, belive me im the kind that sits in a corner and thinks demons are watching and stuff so going to hell is just about the scaryist thing ever for me. I had something happen to me today that is so ironic and pretty much would never happen that it seems like a direct slap in the face by god. but sometimes i think the devil is just trying to push me a little further just to make me do it so he can torture me for eternity, like he wants my soul and cant wait for me to do it, you have no clue how this scares me. So i was gettin ready to kill myself today and in thought i calmed myself down put my (censored ) down and was just thinking there is no way for my problems to end i will always be a depressed crazed something wrong with me loser and drain to society. even if not tomarrow or the next week month or year. i feel like one day i will have to commit suicide, even if i make it to 80 years old i feel like eventually i will have to do it. so if my ultimate destiny is hell from suicide why live through this world and prolong this pain then have to end up there any way, i dotn kno to many thought going through my head im just done, and getting ready for it i need help.