Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rubyfalls27, May 25, 2012.

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  1. Rubyfalls27

    Rubyfalls27 New Member

    Every day, all day, I think about ending my life. I know that no one would miss me. I have only one friend, and she does nothing but insult me and criticize me. I live with my mother, my stepfather, my brother, and his girlfriend. Most of my day is spent cleaning up after one of them and/or listening to my mother complain about her various medical problems. My mother is completely uninterested in my life. She is always commenting on my weight. And why I can't find a job post-graduation, except for the dead-end job I have at a grocery store. I have no one to talk to, so I mostly sit on my room and contemplate running away from home or ways to kill myself.

    I don't know why I am writing this. I just don't know how else to let it out. I can't afford a therapist. I don't know how to journal.

    All the things I used to love don't interest me anymore. I don't know what to do with my life anymore.

    Thanks for listening...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun your friend is not your friend if she says these thing to you. Time to let go of such a person and make a new friend. I hope you can talk to your doctor about how you are feeling hun someone who will listen. Keep posting here hun it help to get out the pain some and people will listen and care hugs
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Your friend is not a friend at all...a true friend would not speak to you that way. So I say ditch that friend, even if she is your only friend....you don't need that in your life. You only deserve people around who will build you up, not tear you down. Sorry that your mom is really not supportive...my mom is kind of the same way...it can suck when you feel like you have no one to turn to. But we are here to listen and help with anything you are going through. Please keep posting and don't hurt yourself. :hug:
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Are you in the United States? A therapist on a sliding scale or at NO COST to you should not be difficult to find.
  5. Morgana

    Morgana Well-Known Member

    I've had a friend like that before. She isn't a friend at all if all she does is tear you down. It's better to not have any friends at all for a time than to keep someone so toxic in your life. <3 You can make new friends, even if just online and stuff. And I'm sorry your mom does that. :(
  6. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    get away from anyone who insults you, they will just bring you down to make themselves feel better. i dealt with some douche bag myself for years, well i finally did a video blog and told that clown exactly what i thought, i felt alot better afterwards. my only other advice to you is, seek out therapy no matter what form it is, it might help.
  7. Rubyfalls27

    Rubyfalls27 New Member

    Thank you to everyone for the responses. It helps to know that I'm not alone in this. I'm feeling slightly better this morning, but the weekends are especially hard for me because I'm stuck at home with my parents for days. It makes me even more panicky to escape my situation.

    I know I need to get rid of this toxic friend, but I don't know how. I've tried telling her that her comments are hurtful, but she doesn't seem to get it.

    There is a therapist near my house that works on a sliding fee scale, and I've thought about calling them, but I don't know what I would do if my mom or stepdad found out. Neither of them believe in therapy. My mom once chastised my brother's girlfriend when she mentioned that she was seeing a therapist. "It's all in your head.", my mom told her. "What a waste of time and money. Fix your own problems." What would I do if she started saying things like that to me? I would probably just quit therapy.... and then I'd be back to square one.

    I just feel like there's no way out.... I have no money to move out. No one to talk to about any of this.
  8. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    It is all in your head... and I say that medically. If it was high blood pressure, people could say, "It's all in your heart." If you had leukemia, they'd say "It's all in your bones." Asthma would be "All in your lungs." I wish people would learn that mental issues are a disease and not something bad any more so than any other disease such as cancer, or what not.

    If I have a problem, I won't see a therapist... I don't believe in them for me. But that is for me. For each person, there is their own need. They should learn to understand that.

    Can you get out of the house more? Go to the park? Do you have a dog you could walk? Friends you could go see? Do you have a smart phone or a tablet you could take somewhere there is wifi and just spend time surfing? A library?

    Bottom line, while you don't want to have to face their attacks upon you if they find out... that is still better than an y bad alternative that might harm yourself. You have sympathetic ears here on this site... and not out of sympathy, but out of all our understanding.
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