Hopelessness

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by D1979, Jan 24, 2015.

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  1. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    I was just watching an episode of a popular sitcom where a baby was born. The mother burst into overjoyed tears and the child entered the world as innocent and unblemished as ever. And I thought that that is how so many of us enter this world: innocent, pure, hopeful. It amazes me that such innocence can transform into such sorrow and misery. My parents were overjoyed when I was born as well but I have experienced such incredible sadness, trauma, anxiety, and pain these past few years that I wish I was not even brought into this world in the first place. My dreams are shattered, my future is ruined, and perhaps the worst thing is that there is no hope that my life will get any better. There is certainly no light at the end of the tunnel. I sat in my darkened room all day today with their air conditioner turned up so that I would not hear the sounds of life outside. I will never be happy in life because there is no remedy that will cure the source of my sorrow and pain. I pray for death all the time.
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi D1979, thank you for your honesty in your post. I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering at the moment. Life is very important and you must stay strong. Like you all I see darkness and but I'm still here. You must never give up hope as you deserve to live.

    Life is hard but it's about dealing with pain on a daily basis. You have to stay strong. Staying in dark room does not help. Go for a walk or drink a coffee. Change your surroundings as this your feelings. I can understand each day is tough but we do care. Keep posting for the support you need. Be safe.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    What you have written here is very heart felt and it is really saddening. You are right we come into life not knowing what the outcome will be. Either tears of joy or tears of laughter. You mentioned that your parents were over joyed with happiness when you were born, do they know you are suffering and what you are going through? It might help you to talk to them. No matter how bad things you are still their baby in their eyes.

    I wish you all the best, life is not easy :hug:
     
  4. D1979

    D1979 Active Member

    Thanks so much for the kind & caring messages; I really do appreciate it. Unfortunately when I go out, I just see people out and about, happy and living their joyful lives. It gets me so depressed and envious of them. So if I don't see that, then it is better for me. That's why I stay in my darkened room often. Unfortunately although my parents (especially my mother) really do love me, they just don't understand permanent depression because they've never been through it themselves. Feeling is believing. I've tried and tried to explain my hopeless situation to them but after 4 years I am just tired of trying. I really do wish I would just die already.
     
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No please remain strong as YOU are important. Depression is horrible and is a uphill battle to.deal with on your own. Remember we are here for you and you are not alone. You have survived 4 years and thats an achievement in my books. Be proud of that and keep posting. Battling the darkness is difficult but together we battle one day at a time. Remember you are awesome..
     
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