I've been feeling pretty much ok for a few months but just tonight I've had some really depressing thoughts and for some reason it makes me feel better to know that other people might read them, instead of just writing it out and saving it on a computer file. And like the title says I want to get some sleep. I'm just about to turn 26 and feel like I've just completely pissed away the past 10 years of my life. I look at other people and I just feel there are so many things I feel I should have accomplished by now - holding down a job for more than 5 months would be one, having any normal functioning relationship would be another. The only thing one counsellor suggested to me that I might be proud of was that I had managed to stick out doing my degree for 3 years, and get a pretty good grade. But the whole point of doing it was that it was supposed to bring more opportunities when in fact it doesn't seem to have opened any doors whatsoever. And the more dated it gets the less use it will be, I think. I can't think of anything that I have done that has had any kind of effect or merit at all. And even worse I can't think of anything that I will do in the future that will have any (good) effect or merit either. I did have some vague thoughts about maybe doing a documentary on suicide and suicidal thoughts, as I feel it is a subject which is routinely ignored and sort of swept under the carpet. At least thats how it feels in Britain with my experiences of mental health services and doctors. And I did have some thoughts about setting up a place which was both an animal shelter and a place for people to go if they were feeling bad (I guess I just always feel a bit better being around animals) and it would be something for people to distract themselves a little bit, and actually get help where they can talk to someone. But of course that's not going to happen, how could I set up or run a place like that if I can't even get my own suicidal feelings under control. In short it just seems absolutely pointless for me to be doing anything in the world, if nothing I do will have any effect, and I'm not happy doing it either. Anyway, thanks, just wanted to get that out.