Hoping I can get to sleep after this...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by helen345, Aug 6, 2009.

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  1. helen345

    helen345 Member

    I've been feeling pretty much ok for a few months but just tonight I've had some really depressing thoughts and for some reason it makes me feel better to know that other people might read them, instead of just writing it out and saving it on a computer file. And like the title says I want to get some sleep.

    I'm just about to turn 26 and feel like I've just completely pissed away the past 10 years of my life. I look at other people and I just feel there are so many things I feel I should have accomplished by now - holding down a job for more than 5 months would be one, having any normal functioning relationship would be another. The only thing one counsellor suggested to me that I might be proud of was that I had managed to stick out doing my degree for 3 years, and get a pretty good grade. But the whole point of doing it was that it was supposed to bring more opportunities when in fact it doesn't seem to have opened any doors whatsoever. And the more dated it gets the less use it will be, I think.

    I can't think of anything that I have done that has had any kind of effect or merit at all. And even worse I can't think of anything that I will do in the future that will have any (good) effect or merit either. I did have some vague thoughts about maybe doing a documentary on suicide and suicidal thoughts, as I feel it is a subject which is routinely ignored and sort of swept under the carpet. At least thats how it feels in Britain with my experiences of mental health services and doctors. And I did have some thoughts about setting up a place which was both an animal shelter and a place for people to go if they were feeling bad (I guess I just always feel a bit better being around animals) and it would be something for people to distract themselves a little bit, and actually get help where they can talk to someone. But of course that's not going to happen, how could I set up or run a place like that if I can't even get my own suicidal feelings under control.

    In short it just seems absolutely pointless for me to be doing anything in the world, if nothing I do will have any effect, and I'm not happy doing it either.
    Anyway, thanks, just wanted to get that out.
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Sounds like we're in exactly the same predicament.
    I turn 26 in four weeks, I have pissed away the last ten years doing nothing, but I didn't even finish my degree, I dropped out of it within the first semester.

    You are probably better equipped than anybody to do this documentary you want to do, don't feel discouraged because you are strugging at the moment. When you have a good day - work on it. People are more inclined to take note of someone who has or is going through it and we're currently living in a world that is trying to get to grips with and understand mental health a lot more so go for it I say! You'd be doing the nation and favour if you told your story. That'd take a lot of guts.

    I know how it is to feel like you are further wasting your time with everything, believe me. But we're both still young and we have a lot of time left in us yet. :)

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    ya know what ?
    i had to quit looking at what everyone else has or has done or has acclomplished. who has more, better education, better car, percfect love life, nice house.

    there are ppl that i know that make very little and have more than i do.
    its a matter of planning, and doing what you have to do.

    i dont have a great education, but i have done many good things. i have had, i have lost. i have been broken down many times and i have gotten back up.

    whats the point ? sure things got tuff and ,,, i didnt want to live, i tried at suicide ... failed.

    but ... for some reason ..... i decided to keep going.

    dont believe that your a failure .... a failure is only when you dont try anymore. you dont have to have shiny and glitter to be someone.

    all you have to do is be yourself. it dont matter if you run a warehouse or work at walmart ,,, like i do lol. the fact that you are doing the best you can do ... always makes you a winner.

    i want more than i got right now. i want a cat again, more than you know.
    in order to get one, i have to acclomplish a few things first. i want what i want, and i know there is a road to take to get there. IM GUNNA TAKE IT.

    because, no matter what others may think of me, no matter what i dont have, im glad that i have what i do. there are many that dont have as little as i got.

    odies thoughts.
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