So, obviously, I'm new here. I'm hoping I'll find a bit of help here, since I just left a forum that made things a bit more worse. I basically needed someone to talk to. That's why I joined. There's no way I could ever express any of my thoughts outside the internet. A few things about myself: I'm 18, university student, worked hard to get in, I've been playing the piano for 13 years, and I spend a lot of time drawing manga style and making up my own stories. I sort of have an obsession with decorating and I spend a lot of time redecorating my house over and over, since it's once way to forget about my suicidal tendencies for a while. I've been depressed for about 6 years. Have always felt like I didn't belong, however. Ever since elementary school, I think. I've always managed to pull a happy face and pretend nothing's wrong. That's why most people would be shocked if they learned I'm suicidal. When I'm out with friends, I laugh and joke as if I'm just fine. However, when I'm back at home, things change. I should also mention that I also have some kind of bipolar disorder, mostly when it comes to my abnormal mood swings. Otherwise, I'm really good at hiding my true feelings from everyone. My depression has been at its peak lately, and I really need some help as I'm thinking of suicide every hour of the day. I really hope I'll find something here, and if possible, try and help others.