Hoping to end it all soon

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Chostard, May 25, 2016.

  1. Chostard

    Chostard New Member

    I am Chostard, a 40 y/o male. Quite a loser and loner.

    Long story short; I've always been depressed with suicidal thoughts since early childhood. In general I had a good childhood, and the best part of my life was 10 years ago when I lived abroad doing graduate studies. But now that has all ended. I'm back to my early suicidal thoughts. Feel this intense pain that just can't get away. Multi-factorial reasons, not a single factor in my sorry-ass life can be pin-pointed for this.

    For the people that have gone through the whole process of taking their lives; well they deserve all my respect. I don't see this as a cowardly act (maybe selfish at it's worst). I just wish I can be as courageous as they were. Hopefully (soon), I will work the marbles around to go ahead and be done.

    Any way out of it? I don't think so... I've been waiting and working for some elusive miracle that has never arrived. I just feel this will always be the same story. I just feel it's better to end it all.

    Ch
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum.
    What about reaching out for help?
    Is it possible for you to do some of the things that made your life great while studying abroad?
     
    bobbob likes this.
  3. Chostard

    Chostard New Member

    Help, no thnks. I'm not in US. Where I live there is quite a social stigma about depressed suicidal people. Anyway, if I don't care about going on, why should anyone else care?

    For second question: a resounding NO.
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN


    It would be called social responsibility and basic human compassion as the reason other people like the members here, or even complete strangers care. The compassion and social awareness that tells most decent people that nobody deserves to suffer and feel pain for the simple act of living day to day and that do actually care about other human beings. And if that pain is so great that one wants to take their own life then any human being that has any decency at all should be concerned, when it is an epidemic so large that it is causing a million people a year to commit suicide worldwide then it should be absolutely alarming.

    Why should people not be allowed ot simply die if they choose? While debate on euthanasia is not allowed on this site as it is not a political forum it is a very simple answer- The causes of depression are in fact treatable and in 80% of all cases are treatable and show complete or greatly improved quality of life in less than 12 months of beginning treatment- though the longer before starting treatment the longer before it is effective (not dissimilar to any other illness or diseases) and the less compliant with treatment or interruptions in treatment extend the amount of time and effort to achieve remission form the worst symptoms (also the same as nearly every other illness or disease) and this is all compounded by the simple fact that by its very nature mental illness is using thoughts and emotions that are being impacted from other things and that are not under the control of the person that is suicidal so they are not in fact capable of looking out for their own best interests. They are not courageous or cowards- they are victims of a world where far too many simply don't care , and far too many of the ones suffering allow their own suffering to cause them to act not in their own best interests and not in the best interests of others suffering , but to act like those sickening people that do not care and say it doesn't matter.
     
  5. CoolGoat995

    CoolGoat995 Member


    I think you're pretty courageous for having NOT done it yet. Continuing to live despite the pain, you earned my respect.
     
  6. dov123488

    dov123488 Member

    Hang in there. I did attempt suicide - financial mistakes and I beat myself up constantly. Then it got intolerable. Woke up after 4 days in the ICU, then Psych lockup for a month. I ended up coming out of it after another year. A lot of self-talk and talk therapy. Right now you cannot envision coming out of it but you can! One day or even one hour at a time.