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Horrible "business"/subculture...hope it doesn't bore you to death.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by paulhewson, Dec 28, 2012.

  1. paulhewson

    paulhewson Well-Known Member

    Just a rant about something I should have gotten over long ago...sorry if it's too long.

    Even typing this brings back horrible memories and feelings. I dated a woman briefly about 10 years ago. It took me a couple weeks to get up the balls to ask her out. She was gorgeous and intelligent, and for the life of me, when I think of it now, I'm amazed she went out with me (she said she was glad for the invite, she would have asked me out if I hadn't asked first. We only dated for a month. I guess I wasn't her cup of tea. I was glad for a while, she really made me feel alive.
    We agreed to remain friends. Of course, like a schoolboy twit, I still have feelings for her. A year later she moves six states away for greener, warmer pastures and new beginnings. The new beginnings don't turn out so well. She briefly becomes an Escort but gives it up (looking back, maybe not). I'm mortified of course, and plead with her not to do it. I can't imagine some guido handing her a couple thousand dollars and having his way with her. Over the course of a year we talk on the phone and exchange emails, and I plan a trip to visit(first of more than I can count over the past 10 years).
    We go to Key West, Disneyworld, Sanibel Island, rock concerts, etc. Things a beautiful woman would be doing with a boyfriend, so I'm thinking I have some kind of a chance here, plus she never mentions a man in her life. Like an idiot, I'm even toying with the idea of starting a new life down there. (how the fuck I would have done that, I don't know). Her first job fell through, so she mentioned maybe sharing a place if I moved down there. After a few years, she buys a nice new condo near her old place. Nice new expensive furniture, too.

    I'm not stupid. She says she works at a temp agency, yet she has money for all this?

    Then I did a sneaky, kind of shitty thing, but I don't like being lied to. I checked online to see was working as an escort again. I found her profile (took me all of three minutes) and my heart just sank. Hourly rates, daily rates, rates for the weekend ($10,000!!! hooray!!!). I sent her an email to her escort site, and when I got up in the morning (hungover after trying to drink away the horrible shock) she had responded. "Hi, I see you've discovered my part-time job!...." We agreed to talk about it over the phone in the next few days. We talked for about an hour and a half. She said it was just temporary, and living there is expensive, and "I want to do this now while I'm young", etc.
    It didn't seem to faze her. I asked her how long she had been doing it, and she said "three years". I just sat on the phone for 30 seconds until she said "well, if you can't have an open mind about it...." like I was in the wrong. If she could have shown a little embarassment or remorse, or even acknowledged it's illegal and immoral in some way, I might have felt better. That conversation wrecked me. I was angry because I felt I had been misled. I felt I had wasted six years of my life on her. I lived on beer for three days. I had my .357 out and a nice note written out, but I couldn't pull the trigger.... I guess I'm judging, but I guess I still believe Prostitution is wrong, especially when a woman I have feelings for is involved. That was five years ago. She claims from time to time that she is going to quit, but always puts it off. She's been doing it "temporarily" for eight years. About six months ago, she sent me a few emails that I thought set a different tone. She was taking concrete steps to sell the condo, move and give up "the business". The last time I was there in July she had a realtor look at her condo. I half believe her now.

    Recently, a semi-famous woman that lived right in my hometown, whose brother I graduated with, an olympian named Suzi Favor, was "outed" as being an escort. That brought a lot of old memories and feelings to the surface again. I guess in the escort subculture, they're called "providers", and the men who pay for them are "hobbying". Sick fucks. The article describing Favor's outing mentioned a website called The Erotic Review, where men go and post their reviews of various "providers".

    That's when I did something I knew better than to do. My curiousity got the better of me, and I checked the site for my Friend. Yes, she was on it, with links to her sites and reviews by men who've been with her. I couldn't keep myself away. I only went there once, and only read one review, but my heart was breaking. The review I read was from December 12th. Hardly sounds like someone giving up the Escort life.

    The whole thing made me feel exactly like I did five years ago, like a worthless son of a bitch. That's why I'm on this site now. I can't get over the whole thing, even after all this time. Sensible people would be able to do it. I know it's the thing to do, but I just can't do it. If I tell her being her friend isn't working for me, I'll be out of her life forever. It would be like the last 10 years of my life, all the money ($15,000 in credit card debt) and time I spent with her will be a waste.

    Thank you for reading.

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry she took you for such a ride hun but you cannot change a person no way I hope that you hun meet someone that will heal that pain you are feeling hugs to you
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Sometimes we have to 'cut our losses' so to speak, and close a chapter of our lives before opening up another one. It sounds to me that your fixation over one person who seems to not be honest with you, is wearing you down and if anything, the longer she's in your life the more time you will 'waste'. She's not been honest enough to tell you that she's doing this, and although it may be illegal/immoral, as is a number of other things in the world (illegal drugs, driving while drunk to name two), it is her life and her choice. Your life is your choice. But I would seriously consider disconnecting yourself from someone who's proven to have lied not just once.

    You can't control her decision making.
  4. paulhewson

    paulhewson Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your input. I do appreciate it.
  5. paulhewson

    paulhewson Well-Known Member

    Ha! Ha!
    Yes, she decided to continue to prostitute herself for another year!
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    The Life, gets a hold on these girls, they see it as easy money and a quick fix for any monetary problems.
    I once did a sociology paper on escorts and spoke to a few about it, they all said it was something you could always fall back on if things got hard, even when they'd left the life, married and had kids.
    I guess the moral is, she isn't going to change! So unless you're wiling to accept that as her life choice, CUT AND RUN!

    Think about it for a moment, she's let you take her here there and everywhere (am assuming you paid), bet there were presents etc.... seems to me she sees you as just another mug she can milk.

    Get out there and find a girl who doesn't give herself away to all and sundry.
    The life this girl has chosen takes a terrible toll, both on looks and personality.
    Hookers become hard boiled and cynical very very quickly and who wants to end up with a cynical used up hag?