I sit here alone, typing this message, thinking about stuff, wanting to die, and not being "selfish" by doing it. Yeah, I know I'd actually be doing many people a favor by my dying. It is how it is and it probably always will be, until I die. I really hate my life here in this world. I think about how amazingly wonderful my life will be on the island, especially compared to now. No more disability, no more lonliness, always people to talk with, things to do, etc. I desperately want to od right now. I don't know if I'll be here again or not. I'm sorry to leave so soon, if I do leave.