I am a 31 year old woman who was stuck in a bad marriage for ten years. Every time I asked my husband for a divorce, he would threaten suicide. Finally, I had an affair. That ended the marriage. Now I am alone for the first time in my life. Loss triggers severe depression for me. Knowing that my own actions led to this pain makes me feel even more ashamed. I cannot get out of this shame. I fell in love with this other man, but he dropped me after three months, which I deserved. I was seeing a therapist when all of this was going on, but I left her because I didn't feel she was helping me. I am drinking more than ever, taking Xanax, taking Citalopram, feeling like I want to die. I have no self-respect or self-worth and everyone keeps telling me that I just need TIME......I feel that all time has done is harden the emotional scar tissue. I have no family and the few friends I had backed out of my life after I had the affair. I do not feel that I deserve redemption, acceptance, or forgiveness.