Horrible...(*trigger*)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sakura, May 22, 2007.

  1. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    I'm a terrible, horrible person...I've destroyed them all...I've disappointed/hurt/betrayed them all...I don't deserve their love...I don't deserve anyone or anything...I'm a despicable human being who doesn't deserve to live anymore...I see that so clearly now...there's no way that I can ever fix things, or make them right again...I'm crying...tears are falling all over my keyboard...curious...I never thought it was possible to feel any worse than I normally do...tonight...I've managed to hit an all time low...that's it...there isn't anything else left to say...tonight has proven it for me...I can't go on like this anymore...I have to end this life that has caused so many that I love, so much pain...call it cowardly or weak, I don't care anymore...none of that can compare to seeing the hurt, and utter disappointment that I saw tonight...one of my biggest lifelines...my dear, sweet sister...she will never look at me the same way ever again...and my other friend...now hates and despises me...whoever said that the truth would set you free, obviously didn't know what they were talking about...the truth can destroy...I never ever knew I could feel quite this bad...I'm cutting again...I haven't cut in years...why isn't it going deeper...why am I not just slitting my arteries open...why I am hesitating so much...am I still that much of a coward that I still can't manage to just do it, and end it all now...I've done worse to myself before...why then...agh...yeah...that one hurt...that one was a little deeper...god...I think that I'm actually having a mental breakdown...right here for everyone to see...but you know what...I don't care anymore...it really doesn't matter...no one can really stop or help me...no one can ever really help anyone else when they're this far gone...it's just impossible...I guess that I'll just stop right now...it hurts...and I don't want to mess up my keyboard...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 22, 2007
  2. ybt

    ybt Guest

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  3. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    If it helps, we still love you.
     
  4. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    It does...a lot...thanks ybt...thanks Sammie...
     
  5. Tara

    Tara Guest

    oh darling :( im so sorry to hear what youve gone through.

    Theres not much i can say to make you feel better. but im sure your not a disappointment. and a few relapses doesnt mean youve betrayed them.
    Relapses are apart of recovery for many people. and i know it doesnt seem like you will at the moment, but im sure you'll get over this, and have a wonderful happy life after :)

    wishing you well, :hug::arms:
     
  6. Aww.. That's so sweet of you to think of your keyboard.


    Sorry, not the time for jokes but I gotta try and lighten the mood somehow.
     
  7. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    Thanks...I guess ^^;
     
  8. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    ..hey big sis you help me with mah problems and i want to return that and help you to getting u back to the person you were before all this happen. sis if you ever need anything, someone to cry w/, to let all that anger out do it to me, i wish i can go over there and just give you a warm sistery hug showing that i care about you sakura.
     
  9. itachi

    itachi Well-Known Member

    WE LOVE YOU SHAUNA HUNNY :hug: please hang in ther for us.
     
  10. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: :hug:
     
  11. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    hang in there sakura. :arms:hugs:
     
  12. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all of the support everyone...you all are truly the greatest people anyone could ever hope to know, and I love you all :hug:

    :rose: